you know, my previous post, somehow...they didn't show my taylor lautner and nick jonas photos! it's so bloody hurtful. is imageshack getting worst? ._.



sometimes i think really hard about myself. &its mostly all about me, myself &i. past, present &future. they make a huge gap of difference. i really don't know what to do with it anymore.

i don't feel like myself sometimes anyway. it's pretty weird because i used to feel really confident standing among people &stay happy. but now, i rather stay in a corner &isolate myself. well, not really isolate as in stay away from everything. just, i feel empty. somehow.

empty as in, lonely. even when i am surrounded with millions of people.

blogging like this reminds me of my first time reading carlmann's blog ._.



i told you i love him [:
sometimes it's best to let go than to hold on. same goes to me but, there's something stopping us from doing so. it's not that we don't want to, but we just can't.

some weeks ago, i realized that relationships are not that complicated. we make it complicated by cheating, betraying etc. btw cheating is the first thing that pops up in my head boo. relationships, as in any kinds of relationships. any.

its dumb of us for choosing the hard way but thats how life goes on.



so yes today, i woke up 2 hours late to bake my new york cheesecake for my dad and uncle's birthday.

&we went to selayang for this dinner today.

&guess what was our dishes?

they are all related to fish. i mean fish. fish soup, assam fish, steamed fish, fish meat with vegetables, &fish fritters with ice cream &fruits. i'm scared of fish already.

&way before that, while waiting for the dishes, i saw RM5 on the floor, right behind my uncle's friend's chair. i mean it's RM5. guess what i did?

i asked him whether it's his. first, it's on the floor, so it's possibly no one's but i just chose to not take the money &gave it to others ._. how dumb can i be? i didn't even see the money flying out from his pocket or anything. but still i chose to ask him ._.

i told my dad and i declared that i am dumb. he agreed to it too ._.

RM5! i can use that Rm5 to buy food, candies, snacks, whatever i want!

but still, it's not mine. that's why i didn't want to take it from the ground and say, "HEY! I FOUND RM5 ON THE GROUND. IT'S MY LUCKY DAY!" ._.

then, after dinner, i went to uncle eddy's house in gombak. i showered there, &camped there on his sofa ._. with the tv &aircond. &2 questions of math.

i still don't understand earth as a sphere! jeez.



search for your love
ohohoh i am going to name my daughter calypso, and my son davy or jones.

thanks to pirates of the caribbean. i like watching pirates of the caribbean over &over again. as in the whole pirates of the caribbean 1, 2 &3! i've watched them for the 3rd time already, if i am not mistaken.

i like watching hotel for dogs too.
sailormoon.
the wedding game.
love matters.
money no enough 1 &2.
night at the museum 1 &2.
titanic.
ah long pte ltd.
just follow law.
anything to do with takeshi kaneshiro.
&a few others.

if i am going to have a pet, i'm going to name it luna [:
luna's from sailormoon. chibiusa has a...round floating cat. and its name is luna so yes. luna it is.

some lady: oh chibichibi! the doll is cute! your baby? ^^
chibichibi: chibichibi's chibi ^^

=.=; i like her answer with that anime face of ^^

&i even learnt a little bit of japanese from sailormoon ._.


i'm getting lazy in colorify my post.
so i shall let it be in grey, or whatever default color i'm using.



whatever i want to blog about is emo. damn. thats why i have nothing to blog about. damn again.

or maybe it's me? or my thoughts are emo itself? ._.

why am i crapping so much?

my my my.

i so love taylor lautner.




&nick jonas. i think he has a baby face! (L)



&tom felton!



i can't find any hot hot ones of tom felton so, yeah thats it.
i love taylor lautner ._. &the rest.

oh,

&orlando bloom



i watch pirates of the caribbean because of him! i love orlando bloom. i don't know how many times i've watch pirates of the caribbean anyway. i like i like i like!

uh no no.
i'm a good kid.
i'm serious.


I wanted to be like you,
I wanted everything.
So I tried to be like you
&I got swept away.
i flipped through my photo album the other day, and i realized that time passes real fast. sometimes i feel like going back to the past and correct every mistake i've made.

&the other day, too, i talked to anne online, and started bringing up the old memories we had. i know i am not close to anne and all, and *shh*i backstabbed her when we were younger*shh*. it doesn't make sense now, when i am actually posting this in public. but oh wells, we do forgive those silly things we made in the past no? it is because anne &i are awesome. &somehow, i think anne's not that bad anyway.

we were talking about primary days - when we were close to each other with fiona. &somehow in the middle we drifted apart, because we were separated into different classes then and we seldom speak up to each other. but i am sure that we were close.

&yes, she told me that she used to hate edmen until she felt like killing him. that statement shocked me because, she got together with him (o.o i thought she hated him?)

it's weird because, somehow right now, we don't really talk anymore but we were really, really close last time. it freaks us out. a lot.

we got to catch up a little last weekend, and yes, that was how the conversation was brought up.

anne &i were in the same class
anne used to sing jigglypuff just to entertain me, and only me
in case you're wondering, yes, it's the pokemon thingy
anne &i were in the same tuition
anne &i used to follow fiona's car back
anne &i used to gossip ;p
anne &i used to not like edmen
anne &i dated edmen *bangs head*
anne &i backstabbed each other during lower secondary
anne &i are catching up again (:
anne &i have some similar thoughts
oh, not to forget, anne &i are awesome

it's rather weird now too, because i like crapping with her online nowadays although she's faraway in cairns and i, in kuala lumpur. jeez. don't ask me to calculate the distance because i know nuts about math now.


I didn't know that it was so cold
&you needed someone to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out that
When the time comes
I'd take you away
i didn't go to school today and yeah, as usual the same old lazy bum me. it's the last hari patriotisme i'll ever experience but i chose not to go, because i decided to go to li ling's house for a little revision.

&i did go to her house for revision!

&halfway through, we went to mcdonalds to take away! ohohoh, guess who drove?

the awesome me! (:

i quote li ling, "why do you always step on the brake?"
lol it's because i don't want to go fast? i am scared of going fast, like really. i almost hit a mercedes benz in puchong during one of my driving lessons and yes i learnt my lesson to never go fast. i admit that i am a chicken on the road.

it's for my own safety yo! i don't want to die early ):


If you want to,
I can save you.
I can take you away from here.
So lonely inside, so busy out there
&all you wanted was somebody who cares.
carlmann is addicted to astro on demand like how i was.

&oh, i think she's the best bestfriend i've ever gotten in my whole 17 years of life. &carlmann, thanks for being there with me through thick &thin. some friends leave you when you're going through a hard time, but she didn't. she sat beside me, thinking of what to say when i was facing rubbish. &i somehow realized that maybe it's fated for us to meet at 16, and share similar past. &when she's upset, i'll be happy. &when she's happy, i'll be upset. in other words, our current mood will always be the opposite of each other's. &sometimes, i feel hopeless for being unable to help her up.

i, just want her to be happy.


I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me,
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on,
Please can you tell me so I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone.
dramas are dramatic. yes?

better go (:

i shall keep about the topic that anne and i reminisced about for the next post (:

oh i just found out that i have to go back to school next week from monday to thursday for extra biology class! yikes. i planned to sleep till late for the next whole week but, God doesn't allow me to. how said is that but, its a good thing anyway.

i'm going to bake cheesecake for my dad's birthday this weekend, and hopefully it'll turn out better than my previous cheesecake because my previous cheesecake top turned out to be black &not bitter.

quote li ling, "why last monday was a great monday again?" ._.


everyday is a new day, so never give up before going through it.
toodles.

yesterday was the first ever great monday (:
like seriously. mostly everyone was happy with yesterday no?
if you don't believe, ask liling, or xinying.

i know i am supposed to study now but its okay to take a break right?

will update soon peeeeeeeeps.

back to monday again. monday never fail to the worst day of the week.

i don't like monday. no one does.

yikes.

its going to be really hot tomorrow, with the tie on around my warm neck.

oh you know, its my first time having a friend who, tells me off like whoa (more like a mother) [well she reminds me of a mother] for my own good, just because i was in the negative side of my life all this while? gosh i really appreciate this kind of friend because, not all friends will tell you off like whoa for your own good. after she told me off 2 nights ago, i took the night to think about what she said.

anyway carl mann, thanks (:

oh i just watched the wedding game starring fann wong and christopher lee. its super hilarious like zomgwtf. i laughed and laughed till my dad woke up from his beauty sleep. p/s i was watching in the hall.

shall go off now, and maybe, watch hannah montana the movie later on. i am still searching for dance subaru dvd in night markets. meisa kuroki is so pretty no?



i am actually aware that trials is a few days, hours and minutes from now. just still, i don't know what am i doing. i am totally clueless about what i am doing. i don't know why am i still procrastinating. i don't know where is the old me, that panicked 1 week before trials, 2 months before pmr, and studied like crap. getting not-so-good-results for trials is not what i am worried most. i am worried if i break down again, like 2 years back. breaking down before the exam is not what i want.

quote v sam, "if you desperately want the A's, you'll desperately work for it." i quote her because it helped me a lot that year. and i will still quote her now. i think i should work hard for it starting from, the day my best friend told me off =/ at least i have someone who sits beside me everyday, and will willingly help me in my studies. i should be thankful, as some people who doesn't have this kind of priviledge in their whole life.

i'm donkily scared to face the future. everyone is, no?

ever since i got hurt by this certain someone [when people like carlmann, liling, xyun, etc were there by me building me up again], i'm scared to move on. future is getting scarier, don't you think so? anything might happen before you and when it happens, there's no turning back. this kind of fact freaks me out. well, it freaks everyone out.

sometimes, i want someone to be beside me, to listen to whatever i want to say from inside, and not judge me.

i don't deny that i miss his warmth and care. sometimes i still want to be with him. and sometimes when i think over it again, i don't want to. i just, don't know what i exactly want. ever since that happened, my grades are getting worst. i know i could have done better for mid terms but i didn't have that motivation to do so. it's like, studying for nothing.

i can still remember that time when we were studying for PMR 2 years back. he was pestering me to study &study &study. i studied, because of him. i admit that i was stupid to study for him. i cannot deny that he was my everything. in fact, he still is.

so yes girls, never put your boyfriend as your first priority!

actually sometimes, i'm tired of my own life but i know i still have to move on with life. this is the so called beauty of life. it never ends nor pause when you want it to.

sometimes i don't get why must they come in this year, when i am taking my dearest SPM in a few months' time. why can't they knock me down last year, so this year wouldn't get that affected that much?

gosh maybe i am upset just because i am allowing them to knock me off from happiness.




actually, nowadays i am watching sailormoon like nuts. i don't care what you are going to say but i enjoy watching sailormoon.

i shall make this clear, that it is the only anime i watch in my whole 17 years of life. i realized that sailormoon is an anime last year.

ohohoh.

guess what?

i'm listening to sailor stars theme song by hanazawa kae now. i like it so much that its repeating on my itunes now. or, i'll listen to sailormoon violin medley by vanessa mae. oh the sailormoon violin medley will be played on sailormoon when sailor uranus and sailor neptune transforms.

you don't know them?

let me show you!




Sailor Neptune aka Michiru on the left and Sailor Uranus aka Haruka on the right.
like i said, i just found out that sailormoon is not a decent anime afterall.

Haruka is a woman, by the way. at least in the manga and anime. but she dresses up like a man, which i thought that Haruka's a man when i first watched sailormoon.

overall, i like the sailor soldiers from the outer solar system.




(clockwise from top) Setsuna/Sailor Pluto, Haruka/Sailor Uranus, Hotaru/Sailor Saturn, Michiru/Sailor Neptune.
i like them! and i am not forgetting...




Chibiusa/Sailor Chibimoon!


Chibichibi/Sailor Chibichibi moon! (L)
i love Chibiusa's cat, Luna! i actually like the name.

and my favorite sailor star is..




Seiya!! or they call him (ahem, her) as Sailor Star Fighter.
this is another obscene part of the anime. Seiya's a man before transformation and when he has already transformed, he will have boobs and a shapey body. you think?

i think transexual.

and of all sailormoon's transformation, i like..




the Neo Queen Serenity.


Neo Queen Serenity and her child, Chibiusa. oh yes the pink hair girl is sailormoon's daughter.
after blogging about sailormoon, i feel so knowledgable about this particular anime.

oh i wonder if i am that knowledgable about biology, chemistry, physics and history.

ohohoh i just read sailor stars on wikipedia. they said that seiya is always a female. SCARY.

its because they have to hide their real gender or something on earth or something like that. yikes.



that day when i was daydreaming, i went back to my past.

i miss so many things...i miss so many friends.

&the rest.



Oh yes our retarded photo. You dont want to know why this photo even existed =D


Ge Li, Jasmine, Jia Xin, Su-Ann, me.
We used to be close. Sigh.The jean gan cheras branch ISTD inter-found 2008 people.
time to move on ):


i stopped miss amy's classes and started with a new teacher yesterday. i found this tutor recently. and, i have no idea how he/she looks like so.. yeah. i expected a chinese man because the way he texted me is so malaysian-ish. no lahs or mahs or whatever but he used the malaysian way to talk.

so, when he pressed the doorbell, i opened the door (just like anyone would do).

guess what?

a non-asian was at my doorstep. my eyes were wide open and my jaws dropped and remained for quite sometime. then, i know, my new tutor is not a malaysian.

later on, when he was explaining things to me and all, i asked what he's working as, and et cetera. then i found out that he's a lecturer in Taylor's College. whoa, very much for a tutor.

whenever i answer his question correctly, he'll say bravo and i will be like ._. then he asked whether can i speak spanish so sometimes he can communicate in spanish with me. then i knew that he's a spanish. yikes.

things are getting weird. very weird.

and it sometimes freak me out.


i guess i should go now.

goodnight (:

i have to admit that i am addicted to sailormoon. just..now.

&i passed my driving, which i am proud of. i am now waiting for my P license to come out (; thats so...err happiful.

&i still haven't start preparing. for SPM, i mean. i can't be bothered right now. i don't have that mood to study.



ohh corliss, actually, i don't give a damn about dancing anymore [since i don't know when] because i guess its just not in my blood to dance [since forever]. probably because i quitted ballet, which, made a hole in my heart, and am just not going to care about it anymore. because it hurts. and which by the way, any dance is alright to me. &for some particular reason, i just..can judge dances, can feel dances, but CANNOT DANCE FOR NUTS. gosh that sucks. &the only reason why you like contemporary and me like classical is because, we like different aspects (: its just like that. contemporary is more to expressing while classical is more to technique style of dancing. but who cares, i suck in both =/

oh it was just a small rant/part about my dance life.

seriously, i love feeling dances.

i shall declare that, i quit dancing. for life. hopefully i don't regret. i am indeed bad at making decision. i like watching people dance =/

weird. but that's me.

somehow, i don't know what to say.


except for now. henry doesn't mind boys having pink files. damn, i should have known.


my classmates, for 2 years without any changes.
its something that will be in my heart for a long, long time.
its something unforgettable.
this is where i learnt many things.
this is what i'll miss throughout school life.
this is where i met friends i love.
Wesley Methodist School5C `09

you know, i actually ended up going to Assunta? i wanted to ffk this morning, or last night, like last minute thing? i was so lazy and didn't want to read Acts anymore because there's some tiny part which i didn't get it.

in fact, i actually thought Simon the Magician and Simon the Tanner are the same. damn. and in 2 different chapters, there's Barnabas. until now i don't even know whether they're the same person.

oh my first time reading Acts anyway.

he even gave that i'm-shocked-that-you-came look to me when he saw me this morning. yikes. but who cares ._.

anyway they are not the points.

the point is, i saw Stephanie and Jie Guan! my Seremban friends! not close, but, yeah, we know each other pretty well. i know Stephanie for ages already, and Jie Guan..my i-used-to-dislike friend from ACS Seremban.

it's funny when i saw his name in the booklet, as the only miserable team from Seremban. i was so o.o Jie Guan!! when i saw his name there. i didn't expect him to come.

oh oh i actually reached there at 8am =/ how...irresponsible, and not punctual. where's my usual punctuality!?



love is meant to be complicated.
sometimes i am just so confused you know? i don't know what i want, but i do. it hurts so much that, i feel like dying, but its not a solution (quoted from someone). i am not used to being alone, after being with someone for 3 donkey years.

despite that i am still trying to adapt to my new life.



part of me wants to tell you thank you.
you've taught me so much
but i never bothered to appreciate it
for that, i'm sorry
i love my dad, although sometimes i do get mad at him. without him, i'll be lonely now and i won't get to be here, or study in wms.

i'm really thankful.



true fact: i actually watched sailormoon yesterday for 2 freaking hours. and neglected my books.

&now i'm going to watch sailormoon too.

its the only anime i watch. dang. i love chibi-usa! or mini moon.


eta: i took 15 mins to find Assunta, and 10 mins to find Taman Jaya LRT.