I am feeling mando. Ngehngeh.

I told you.

As what I said in some of my previous sexy posts, I'm feeling bored blogging already. I don't have the mood to blog anymore. Since I have something to say...hehe! Here I am, kissing killing the time by blogging. (whatever la har. my English is becoming more worst.) I think I should go for more English classes already. I want my English to be right.

Anyway, the April monthly test is over last week. The day when I posted about my "emo" post. Got the results. I mean, not all, for sure. Some of the teachers are hardworking lazy, right? So, what to do. Hah. Whatever. But still.........anyway, I'm feeling really sad for it. For the first time in my lifetime, seriously. I . GOT . A . D . FOR . HISTORY . Goodness. I'm VERY sad for that because I spent a day reading History ONLY. Basically, I studied for History ONLY. And one more; MATHEMATICS. I nearly got a C for Mathematics.

MATHEMATICS.
Definition: A subject which I used to score 90+ easily when I was in Year 5 & 6 and a subject which I love A LOT.

But not now. I can't remember the formulas. I am trying my life best to score 70+. But sadly, no. I nearly got a C. A big fat C. I think here is no ways for me to score 90+ anymore. That is what my instinct all about. I think I won't get 7A's. Honestly. Since I get bad results for this April's test, it means that...I won't get 7A's for PMR. Sigh. Jasmine is so smart. I wish I have her brains.

Although I know I got bad results for this 2 subjects, happily sadly, I aced in 2 papers; Geography & Civics, SO FAR. Sigh. I wish I can ace in English too. For Moral, haha. I KNOW I WILL GET NOT EVEN A C. I hate Moral. Nothing can describe how much I hate Moral. Oh okay. Not hate. I just don't have to interest to study for Moral papers. I tried to concentrate in Moral. But I just...can't.

I think I better stop about this stupid results. Next.

I wanna learn Japanese, Korean and French! Yummy YAY! I tried to learn Korean online and it really works. For now, I know what are the alphabets and all. But I don't know how to speak and understand anything. I don't know what it means at all. Gah. BUT I KNOW WHAT IS MY POST TITLE IS! It is...tadah! HEAVEN'S TREE! (Cheon Guk Ui Na Mu)

I don't care, but I really have to learn Japanese with Jane first then I'll try to go for Korean classes. Japanese is good, I think. TEEHEE. I don't care but Jane have to learn Japanese with me!

Seriously. Some of you KNOW that I WAS obsessed over Korea and blah about Korea, right? I don't know why but I am obsessed over it AGAIN. TRALALA. Gah. What a life. But oh well. It's really...rojak-ish.

I have bitterness, sweetness, saltiness & sourness. I just realized that I like bitter chocolates. I mean...not bitter chocolates. I meant...dark chocolates. It's really YUMMY to the MAX!





I am feeling retarded. Today, in school, we had this talk for 3 races, separately. Jane and I knew that the one who'll be talking will talk in Chinese. Bugger. We thought of yacking around throughout the whole talk. But sadly...probates & prefects can't sit. So Jane didn't get to sit and yack with me. Katherine, as a probate, is VERY scary. I saw her confiscating a girl's comb. YES, CONFISCATING. Her eyes are blunt SHARP! But...this year's probates are really annoying and blah. I mean...not because I am jealous. It's the truth. They're really crappy. CRAPPY AND DEAD.

I am stopping about probates now.

To me, Chinese is like...a foreign language. I don't even understand what was the guy crapping all about. I tried to understand but I can't. Grr. I am a Chinese. Sigh. I can do nothing. I'll try to speak more of Chinese from now on. I'll try my cutest best.

After that...lunch break. Then, as usual. Stupid uniform bodies activities nonsense. Went for it and I laid eggs. Soon later, there goes a drill. FINE. Mandy was really blur lah okay. Not her only. I was quite blur. Then I hear it for a lil while more and I knew it was the stupid fire drill practice. Gah. The conversation: Mandy YuenMay

Eh?
What bell is this?
Bell lah!
But...*the bell is still ringing*
Fire drill. *shows the don't give a damn face*
Fire drill?
YES FIRE DRILL OMG LETS GO!!!
Ah. Haha yeay, can go first. Let us be the first, quick quick.
YES YES. FASTERRRR.
YEAY WE'RE THE FIRST!
YEAYS!!!

A lame one. But the way we act was really...dumb lah. Blur & I didn't care for the bell. I thought it was normal one. But it was the stupid fire drill. Geh.

After nonsenses, it was time for V Sam. SERIOUSLY IN THE NAME OF MYSELF. I was VERY sleepy already. I didn't want to go to class. I wanted to go, but I can't open my eyes anymore. But I must go for V Sam no matter what happens. So, like that lah. I went. I forgot that my Jasmine is going for V Sam. I'm sorry Jasmine. When I reached there, I saw everyone was up there already. So Jane, Weeru and I went up. When I step into the class, it took me more than a second to realize that it was Jasmine's first time being in V Sam's. I thought she's there for a long time already so I couldn't bother to say hi. Then Jasmine said hi and I said hi loudly and screamed and ran towards her without thinking twice and hugged her. Bugger lah weih. I didn't see her today in school and I'm missing her. Haha. For sure, as my sister lah. Because I'm used to with the situation that I see and talk to Jasmine. So without her is like...damn boring and quiet and lonely. Same thing happens if Jane is not there. I don't know lah. I don't mind losing my friends. I mean, for real. I don't care if I lose all my friends in my life but not them. They are my life. Hah.

Anyway...LEE WAN IS MINE. OMG. He's damn HOT&SEXY lah okay! I'm really crazy over him. He is very HOT and SEXY. I wanna go mad already. OMG. I gila like hell already la okayy. Don't believe? Never mind.

Please NOTE that I am NOT a pervert.

It's just that he look hot. OMG. So yummy. I am in love with him. I like his body. His body is so sexy. Very sexy. Extremely sexy. You want? You don't want never mind. I want. ARGHHH. I still like his role in Heaven's Tree. I just don't get why Yoon-suh must die in that drama. Sigh. I can't bare to watch the ending. I don't plan to watch the ending again. I'll feel like crying if I watch the ending. GRR. WHY MUST HE DIE. Sigh. I like his bodyyy.

이완! 이완! 이완! 이완! I love you 이완!

I love Lee Wan. I LOVE LEE WAN!

Recommendations;

• Heaven's Tree OST (L)

That is all. Heaven's Tree is the love of my life.

Lee Wan is the biggest love of my life. (L)

P/S: I love you Jasmine & Jane. =)

P/P/S: I am not a lesbian nor a pervert. =.=

P/P/P/S: I know lah, there's people who actually pretends to like me as a friend but they actually don't. Jasmine or Jane could be one of it. But...I can't do anything. Losing them...would make me cry, but not as much as how I cried for Leon. I love 'em all. HEARTS.

Labels: Depression, Rants, Recommendation

People thinks I broke off with Leon for Calvin. For fuck's sake. Really, I do not like Calvin. Okay. Fine. I admit. I DID like him, but I don't. Why can't people just get straight to my answer instead of thinking that I like him and that is why I decided to end my relationship with Leon? I do not think it is worth at all. Is it hard to know that I do not like Calvin?

Leon...he loves me a lot. I know that very well. I have my very own reason why I want to end things with him. It is not because I do not like him. To be honest, and I do not want to lie anyone nr mself, I do love him. I LOVE HIM A LOT. I feel sad, and I do not think there's anyone could recover me from this heart break. I love him a lot...I'm serious. I thought I could face this, but...in the end, I think I'm naive and dumb. Worst than dumb. I'm a moron. I love him and why would I want to do this? I do not know why myself.

I'm finally back to the emo phase again. I'm back to how I felt after I broke off with Edmen unwillingly. I'm feeling them all again. I do not know when can all these emo thing stop permanently. I do not feel myself anymore. I think a cut by a knife is more unhurtful than a heart break. It's like...now...I can't face the fact that I'm leaving him. I thought I could face this whole situation well. I thought I do not like him anymore. My thoughts are wrong. Now, people are more happier than me. Or no? I guess there are people who are facing some more emo phases than me right now.

There's people, who thinks that I will go for other guy in a few months time. I'm seriously, not interested in other guys. Hann Lam thinks I will. I won't. Even if I'm hooked up again, it'll be Leon. I guess...he'll like another girl by that time. Falling in love cause a lot of conficts, or I should say, liking a person for this age. Or maybe crush. It depends on individual. I'm just feeling curious, why my dad don't like Leon? Is it because of what Uncle Sulaiman told my dad? Or other reasons? What Leon did to my dad? What Leon did to Uncle Sulaiman? That I might not know. It's between them, not me. It's my life, I can do whatever I want. It's myself, who fell for Leon. No one did it. I'm the one, who actually confessed my feelings to Leon indirectly. He, the smart ass, who caught what I meant in less than an hour.



How I wish for that, as much as I wish to meet Lee Wan in person, so that no problems would exist now. It's fate, that make us know each other and brought us together for more than a year and finally, we're officially singles. I'm the one who asked for it. It's my fault. I want to die. Not to die, but just die. I do not know what to do anymore. I wish nothing happened from the beginning. I wish I did not though of taking him to replace Edmen. Or, maybe I should not get together with Edmen in March 2005. Then, from that time, I may be single from then till now.

I feel really sad and happy at the same time. It's really hard to go on like this, feeling sad and happy. I feel like drinking beer. I feel like I wanna be drunk forever. Or, just sleep forever and never wake up. Is that possible for me? Swallowing more than a dozen of sleeping pills, or Panadol pills. Any overdose pills will do. I just feel like doing so, so I will not feel any pain, or depression.

I need comforts. I need someone to comfort me. I feel like crying again. Cry, that is all I can do now. I cry, everytime when I think about it. I cried, once, during the school's assessment a couple of days ago. I will not show my depression during lessons. I need 7A's. I really need 7A's.

I do not know what to do anymore. Can anyone help me?

Other than crying, I can only watch Heaven's Tree. Thank goodness, the assessment are over for now. The next one to care for is the Mid-Year Examination. I bet, that I won't get A's. I'm too weak in studies. And I do not know how am I going to concentrate revising after this. I need a minimum amount of 5A's to get a new phone since my phone is more than a year old too.

Leon did make me cry. He made me cry for months. I hate him for that. No matter how much I try to hate him, I cannot do so. I do not know what is wrong with me. I do not know what I did wrong in my last life until I have to face nonsense-unnecessary conflicts this life.

Really, if Leon is not going to be mine, I wish I did not fall for him. Leon and I, put a lot of our effort inside to make our relationship bloom. We tried to stick to each other, so we wouldn't fall off our relationship. We wanted to stay in our relationship bubble, till we die. But I doubt it'll happen. It'll never happen...

Thanks to my dad, who disapproves our relationship and my mother, who disapproves our FRIENDSHIP. If God really here, like what the Christians believe so much, God is supposed to be wise and fair, right? WHY DO GOD WANT TO MAKE HUMANS LIFE AS HELL? Even *God* put humans' life as hell, put lah, I do not care, but not from this wise. I can't face it, okay?

I admit that I am weak, okay? I'm vey naive. People do take advantage on me. Good lah. That is why, nowadays, I make myself more annoying, bomb people by emailing or talking. If anything offend me, whether it's innocent or not, I'll still bomb it. I do not care anymore. I do not want to care for anything except PMR.

I feel like breaking down. I do not want to face life anymore... I am stupid. I am too stupid to be here. I can't even score Maths. I can't even get an A for English. People are not talking to me for good. It's because I am stupid, dumb, SUPER annoying and naive. I wish I have Jasmine's brains. She's smart enough to handle things. I wish I do not exist.

I wish my family is like yours. *cries again*

Labels: Depression

I update my blog today because Jasmine's been saying that I haven't update my blog. Yes, I know that, very much. It's because I have nothing to say and I am still addicted to Heaven's Tree. I am still alive. I still have a life. Or no? Whatever.

Labels: Multimedia

GOOOOODNESS. I found this skin when I was browsing information for Heaven's Tree/Tree in Heaven, or whatever it is. BAHHH. I'm obsessed with this drama all over again! My brother and I are crazy over this, okay?! We love Heaven's Tree! I don't care, I'm going to get the new whole box set with Korean speaking & English subtitles, anytime! Even if it's after PMR, I don't mind!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Seriously, I'm going crazy again! I LOVEEEEE Heaven's Tree. AHH.

PLEASE COMMENT IF THIS SKIN IS NOT RIGHT.

DANG.

I still love Heaven's Tree.

My brother and I used 56.9mb from our memory to fit in all the soundtracks. Ngehngeh.

When I went to school today, as I know, the only person I can babble Heaven's Tree is JASMINE. Aw. I love herrr. Jasmine is the only one because she is like the only one who watched it already. THANKS TO ME, for recommending it to her. Did I? I forgot. Oh so whatever, I'm still loving Heaven's Tree. Buggermotherfucker, Lee Wan (Kim Hyung Su), damn hot lah okay? OMG. He's like damn bugger hot lah. I've seen him acting twice and I didn't know, until I surfed the net searching for him. Once on Stairways To Heaven, and now, HEAVEN'S TREE. Haiyer. The thing is...they're both my favorites. And I know nuts about it.

Whatever la. I still love Heaven's Tree.

IDONTCAREJASMINEHAVETOWATCHITWITHMEAGAIN!

Labels: Multimedia

Multicultural was quite boring. I don't wanna talk about it, I'll put up some pictures that Jane, Jasmine and I took. Eh, we're NOT vain.









Because of Justin's case & Jasmine's emo, buggermotherfucker. Our relationship is like destroyed and I can bet with my life we wouldn't be close anymore. I don't know what to say, but...I'm really emo. I don't know what to do and...things for sure:

• I won't tell anyone what's happening around me.
  
• I won't tell anyone what I'm doing.
  
• I'm not going to care for anyone anymore.
  
• I won't give a damn to anyone.

I'm very neutral. I don't mind losing them. It's not like I'm dying of loneliness. Even if Jasmine disown me as her sister, I don't mind. I don't really bother anymore. It's what I did. That's all.

P/S: I really dressed like those bitches do. BIG earrings, white shorts, black top, blue and black flip flops and my white handbag. GRRRRR. Bleh.

P/P/S: I'm a bitch, I'm VERY annoying. You pop my bubble, I fuck you.

Labels: Depression, Friends, Rants