Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

I feel so motivated after reading this quote! There's more actually.
I'm feeling more emo than usual. I don't know why but, this is happening.
I think it's because my dad puts all his hope on me. SPM is approaching soon. Gosh, why am I in Form 5 now? Time passes really fast, don't you think so?
It was 14 months ago when I first stepped into this school full of fear. &now, it's my final year here. I've not reached the climax yet! And school will end soon months later. I feel like I'm still in Form 1 =/
Because of the whole new environment last year.


The part above was typed yesterday. But I didn't post it. So yepo. Today's the 16th of March.

So anyhow...
I went to Mid Valley by KTM with Li Ling yesterday. Oh yes for the education fair (:
People think that we're done with SPM, and are looking for a college to further our studies. But no! We're doing early preparation, which is a good thing, yes?

(Before that, I want to remind all of you, DO NOT TO TAKE KTM, unless you have no other choice. Yesterday, there was this indian guy who squeezed in between Li Ling and I. Gosh, his odour! *cries* Even when you turn 360 degrees, it doesn't help in reducing the smell. At all. So, you know what that means, right?)

Then we met up with Corliss and her mum in Mid Valley. Her mum asked us whether we want to go to KLCC together with them for the other education fair! She's so nice!!! (Yay, transport is taken care of already. We wanted to take the cab to KL Sentral, and then take Putra Line to KLCC because we didn't have transport.) While waiting for them to get finish their stuffs, Li Ling and I went for lunch at Sushi King.

After that we hopped into Corliss' car and flew all the way to KLCC.
My my, KLCC's hall is so much bigger than Mid Valley's. Oh, and neater too. I mean their booths. Oh yeah, I can guarantee you that you'll feel dizzy or things like that after you step out from the hall.

Corliss' mum is so nice that she dropped us at the LRT station too! (: Thanks Corliss' mum!

Her mum is super cool. She has a Facebook, and a blog too!

Why didn't you add me in Facebook? I have a blog too. Come and read my blog. I've no readers.

Corliss' mum

3 bags full of brochures.


Brochureees!


It's confirmed that I'm taking 10 subjects ):


Prove.
I'm feeling sleepy now. *yawns*


Who's this?
RAJA CHULALONGKORN!

What's this?
First homework that I wanted to deal with but failed.


I watched Love Matters and The Tale of Despereaux today.
Oh yes 2 different movies in a day.
In my opinion, they're worth the time (:
In total, I spent 3+ hours altogether at the cinema, one after another.


The mouse, Despereaux, is so cute with big ears!!! I love mousies (MICE, which I rather spell it as RICE) and hamsters.


Love Matters.


I'm tired of going out! I've been going out for 4 days already. I went to Pavilion last Friday and Saturday, Mid Valley and KLCC yesterday and Times Square and Pavilion today.
*yawns*

And I was supposed to go to Mid Valley tomorrow but I cancelled it. Too tired to go out, and I've too many things to do by this Sunday. Crap.

I shall work my butt off starting tomorrow. (let's see how long i'll procrastinate again hee)


Oh yes!!!
Please listen to "If I Were the Boss" by Ean and JJ.
It's damn funny.

Labels: Depression, Outings, Reviews

We had early dismissal today, so I went out.
To Pavilion.
I wanted to go to The Mall, but I didn't want to bump into him. I mean, who knows he'd be there. I played safe!!


Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Initially I was supposed to hang out with Carl Mann and J. But God knows why she didn't tell me that Say Loong is coming along! I wanted to tag along, then in the end, I decided to let them to be alone (:

J is so funny till I laughed like crazy.

I shall quote him!

"I used to think that GIS is the only school on earth."

You know, this really made me laugh like crap. I didn't know what to say, because, I mean...schools are everywhere!

"I can cook you know."

I am so shocked because, he's a guy! And he can cook!

"My boyfriend is Lee Hom."

After an hour or so...

"Rain is also my boyfriend."

So, I don't know whether he's straight...or crooked =/

Okay, kidding. He's joking around. He's super lame ._. Me like talki to lame people.

"I am scared of the scenes in a horror movie. If I watch it, I'll scream like crazy. I once said "OH MY GOD!" out loud in a cinema and my friend screamed too because I screamed."

Obviously, he's a chicken.

In my point of view, of course.


I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
Anyway, today is our last day before the mid-semester break! I'm so happy, because I'll get to eat and sleep all week long. But before all that, I've to complete:

Malay composition with the title "Bandar raya idamanku pada tahun 2020"

"The Pearl" summary from Chapter 3-6.

Add Maths project ):

Maths paper

Biology corrections

Chemistry exercise

Physics paper

Sejarah Chapter 3 mind map

Morale project (8 essays and 16 photos)

I spell that as D-E-A-D. I wonder why do they give us homework anyway. Homework are pointless! We'll still forget what we had done sooner or later.
Oh, that's for me, again. I've short term memory loss (;


Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You

In a blink of an eye, it'll already be November.
I'm afraid to move on.
I don't want to leave.
I want to let it be this way.
I've so many things to tell you.
But I don't dare to open my mouth to even give you my morning greetings.
Sometimes I wish I'm a guy, so I'll get to talk to you.
Sometimes I wish I don't exist, because I caused too much pain for myself.
Gosh.
My emo-ness.


Forever 21 is on sale! But too bad J was with me all the while when I was in Pavilion, so I didn't really get to shop (you know, guys don't like waiting boo) and I was in my uniform. I shall wait till I can shop alone then I'll go and buy whatever I like. With a limit, of course. Thinking of my things, I am now thinking of selling things that I don't really wear or want it. I have so many clothings that I don't wear at all. There's so many...um...I've-not-touched-it-before clothes. I'll of course sell it at a discounted price, so yep. It can be anything, so let's see.

I feel like baking again.
Damn.

Anyway, goodbye (:

Labels: Depression, Exams, Friends, Rants, School, Thoughts

I miss ballet.
So much.
It has been 3 months since I last stepped into Jean Gan.
I'm so going to take Inter next year.

Labels: Depression

let me be emo for this part;

it hurts so much whenever i try talking to you. when i'm in the objective of ignoring your presence, you showed up again. can't you feel how hurt i am because of you? i know, i'm not your type and all. but do you have to do that to me? i tried every way to get close to you. but it hurts everytime i try because of you. and whenever i feel unwell because of you, i'll have to tell myself, "he's not yours", and slap myself because i always get out of line when i think of you. you'll never know how i feel anyway...

guess i'll still have to live in denial to get over you.
i'll hold on, and will never shed the rest of my remaining tears for you.
"i can't cry it out anymore...maybe because i'm immune to it?"
the reason behind is you. i'm not blaming you for whatever happened to me.

enough of being emo.


anyway i don't know what to blog though.
i had so much about what to blog just now, and the ideas just *poof* like that.

miahaha.

i'm so looking forward to cf camp (:


i wanted to go for the mckl treasure hunt, but god knows why does it falls on the day when i'm not available. gosh.

i shall go for amazing race organized by leo club then.

breathes in, breathes out.

Labels: Depression

i know it is indeed rare for me to blog during the weekdays when school's still on everyday from monday to friday, piling our homework up to the ceiling.
but i just feel like blogging.
i've so much to pour out, but i don't dare.
i used to be daring enough to pour my feelings (escpecially my rant) out easily. but now, i've to think at least 10 times whether to pour it out into my blog.
because people betray the trust i gave them until i don't even dare to tell them how i feel about something. i gave them warning about it, and they still want to read it without me forcing them, and then bitch talk about it. it gets on my nerves, you know?


i think i know how you feel. obviously most probably i won't know how you feel because, i'm not you. i might not be right, but its just a thought. &i think its a feeling of confusion, love, care, and many other types of emotions. wanting them to know and not know how you feel sincerely about them, hurts. at the same time, you want them to feel the same way how you are feeling for them. when you realize that its probably not going to happen, you'll feel like breaking down even more. be strong. don't let your tears run down your cheeks. save it for something else. obviously you can't help it but to cry your pain out, so, try as hard as possible to hold it back.

(i know we're not close, but, as a friend, i should do something. even if i fail to, i'll still try. i'm sorry if it's not as what's going on to you right now.)


Have some alcohol, to forget your pain.
Not.
anyway, i shall leave blogger.com and go back to microsoft office to finish up my malay oral script and add maths distribution table.

goodnight, people (:

Labels: Depression, Rants, Thoughts

ballentine's a type of whisky (:
no, i don't drink whisky.



i think it's weird that i've the urge to blog today. normally i'll feel lazy, or thinking that playing delicious 2 is a better way to rot my time away. actually, i do have a reason why to blog. talking about thoughts ):



i really, don't know how people can be so irresponsible. i lent her my cheongsam since november last year because i sympathised her and didn't want her to get in trouble, and now, she gave me a long granny story. this sucks in a way, and i can't do anything! guess what happens whenever she sees me or passes 5C? she runs away! this is getting on my nerves. she didn't dare to tell me the reason why she can't return my cheongsam back to me for more than a month, until today - this morning. i was so mad, that i couldn't even utter a word out! this is what i get, after my dad spent more than a hundred bucks buying that cheongsam for me, and me, just because i didn't want her to get in trouble, and helped her by lending her my cheongsam. and we aren't close at all. we just know that we exist in wesley methodist school. we did not even have a proper conversation too. we don't even say hi!

gosh.
irresponsible, no? it's not even hers!



have you all started studying for the first term yet? i've not started! at all. when i did the physics test today, i realized that 50% playing 50% paying attention is not good enough. i think i'll fail physics because i forgot to revise for physics test today. and i didn't have a clue on what mr chin was saying about waves (but i am pretty sure that he was talkin' about transerve waves and longitudinal waves) during physics lessons anyway. no, i'm not that smart (: my progress sheet says it all. thinking about the first term freaks me out. i think i'll have more red marks than before. but! i shall think positively. yes yes yes?

anyway, is any of you taking the IELTS or TOEFL exam? i'm seriously blur right now =/



i've a feeling that most of us are feeling emoish nowadays. so many things are happening to us, and i've a positive feeling about this. things will be fine. and all you need to give in is time. (yes, tick-tock-tick-tock) give in time, and don't think that it's the end of the world. you have a lot of things to do, and never think to give up. hold on, and never let your hope go, unless it is really a dead hope.

and this is for you guys who are emoing away. just to let you guys know...no matter how not-close we are (xiaoyun!),



i like playing wii!
i can finally play cooking mama on wii! (: how cool is that!? i've been waiting to play cooking mama.
now i've finally said that chocolates are fattening =/ and i really love it. i'm making myself troublesome now. gosh. i used to eat lots of chocolates, especially dark ones. Lindt is yummy. oh-kay, i said chocolates are fattening and i'm still talking about chocolates.
mama! (see, i told you i like playing cooking mama on wii)


torn between two perfect person is the worse thing can happen. it hurts a lot. it needs a lot to courage to dare to say, dare to ask, dare to declare that you do.



oh you know, i actually answered a few of madam premila's questions correctly! (:

but that doesn't mean i study. hah.

i'm proud of my short-term memory yo! and i'm not embarrassed to admit that i love my short-term memory.

yes, you got it right in your head. what a lie. no one likes short-term memory. but sometimes...short-term memory is good. you get to forget some stuffs. if you're lucky, you will get to forget some sad stuffs. like i did. i get to forget one or two, and eventually i'll remember it later. shucks. hmm =/



oh.

happy valentine's day!

Labels: Depression, greetings, Random, Rants, School

stressed again.
heck, i feel like going somewhere else &relax.
exam's coming up soon, &i'm not prepared! guess i'm going to fail =/

i'm feeling sleepy now *yawns*



i've been slacking you know. i've so many incompleted homework. it's really sad. i feel like finishing it right now, but i am still lazing around.



i nearly cried a few times at school today, because there's things going on right now. i'm not involved in this matter, but, when i see her cry, i feel like crying, but i have to hold back, because i know, crying will not solve this matter. i'm still thinking for a way out from her problems for her. i know there will be one. let's pray so that everything will be fine.

o, i've a lot of blog about suddenly =/ but i don't know how to put them into words.

&there's something i would want to keep it to myself too.




i wonder when am i leaving. hm...


Just so you know, pictures between paragraphs separates my miscellaneous thoughts in mind. That goes to every post in my blog. I use pictures instead of dots, hyphens or underscores.

Labels: Depression

I went out with Corliss &Mann today. We were supposed to meet at 11 but eventually we met up at 12 something because Corliss were busy and I only get to see Mann at 2 something, when we were super hungry. Yeah, Carl Mann appears when there's food &when she wants to see me for something after seeing him. Yeesh.

While waiting for Corliss, I went to the concourse with my family and ended up buying perfume ._. and photoshooting. Of all times, Corliss appeared when the lady was putting on make-up for me. Corliss was laughing at me all the way and she can still say she didn't! Unfair yo.

After all that I went for the photography session. The poses were so funny and...slutty that I can't help it but to laugh. Corliss was laughing too okay. My brother laughed the most.

I couldn't put up the picture because I don't have a scanner so, boo.

Carl Mann kept on cursing me to go to hell because I didn't eat anchovies and some other extras. I bought a dessert and I couldn't finish it because it was too cold and for that, Carl Mann said it's ok because I'll be going to hell anyway. She likes cursing me. Boooo.

After food, we went to Times Bookstore to get stuffs so practically we spent our whole day at the bookstore. I'm sorry Corliss! We even imitated them. It was fun imitating them although I had goosebumps all over. We saw pretty stuffs at the bookstore but it was too expensive so yep. Corliss even wanted to buy that wired bookmark until I had a brilliant idea of buying beautiful ribbons and make it by myself. That wired bookmark costs RM9.90. Dang. It's like so expensive. The cheapest bookmark they have is RM7.90. I wouldn't spend that much for one bookmark. So in the end Corliss and I got 2 different colors ribbon for us to make our own bookmark on Wednesday! Quote Corliss, "It's like we're attending a handicraft lesson on Wednesday."

I even wanted to buy New Moon, and The Other Boleyn Girl until Carl Mann told me that she has it all. So, money saved.

Halfway through book hunting, Carl Mann decided to play hide-and-seek with Say Loong and eventually it got me involved because I called her to ask what time she is going back. Her tone is super funny! It's as if she's telling me a secret. The conversation went like this: (Carl Mann, Yuen May) She spoke softly all the way.

Eh butt, wh-
Hello..?
=.= Where are you lah?
I'm not telling you.
What the heck.
I'm playing hide-and-seek now.
Omg. I've no time for hide-and-seek. Where are you?
I'm not telling you.
(=.=; I went hunting for her then) Okay whatever it is, what time are you going to go back?
Hm, I think 4 something to 5.
(still finding) Ish, tell me properly!
Yes lah, I think 4 something to 5.
(walla, I found her and both of us laughed) Hahahahaa. Okay then.

Slowly, I saw him. I told him that I found Carl Mann. He begged me to tell him where is Carl Mann but since I'm a *ahem* nice person then I said I don't know where's Carl Mann. What a lie.

I think that's all, after Carl Mann, Corliss and I decided to leave. We first took the monorail. You know we gotta wait for the people to come out then we can go in? I didn't care about that rule and when I was about to step in, Carl Mann pulled my hand and said, "eh, you know we must wait for the people to come out one mah right! why you step in first? no manners lah you." Seriously man I tell you about this Carl Mann, she always make me zha dou ._.

I was afraid that Corliss will get lost in Masjid Jamek so I keep on finding for a way. Thank God that Carl Mann is going to KL Sentral so Corliss tagged along. After I reached my station, I texted them boo.

That's all for the day I think.
When I see them playing like that, it reminds me so much of him. No, I don't miss him. In fact, I lost all my hope. I just don't want to think of it too much. What bothers me is just another him.
Carl Mann calls the other 2 him as teddy and pillar. I don't know why she calls him teddy.


I like someone else but is being attracted to someone else.

Labels: Dear Diary, Depression, Friends, Random

Exams are gone forever.
It's my last FTE. For life.
I mean yes, this is my second last year in school, and I'll not have any FTEs, post exams, anything, anymore. After this year. Gosh.
Isn't it sad?


If you ask me how much I like him,
I'll say,
as much as raindrops.

I know I'm failing ICT, Moral, and subjects like that. I couldn't do ICT! At all.

Reow.
I wish you know how I feel, and appreciate me as much as I appreciate you. Although it's a not-going-to-come-true wish, I'm still holding on to you. I really don't know why it's you out of all people. It hurts so badly and yet I still hold on to you.


An actor is feelingless. I am that actor I'm talking about. Because of the feelings I have for you, I began to lost myself, for real.

Labels: Depression, Rants, School

WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD.

I'm feeling down nowadays.
My instinct is telling me that something bad is coming up.
Maybe it's the exams.
Oh well.


Do you know that you're that addictive?

Su Ann is going to migrate to Melbourne for good. Yes, that means no more ballet buddy for the rest of my life. I won't be seeing her for ballet (not forgetting school too) after the exam anymore. Why is this bringing me down so badly? Is it because of the bond we built? I can say I am quite close to her. Well, not that close.

Jasmine Tan, if you're seeing this, I want to tell you that we're not going to travel so far for our exams! Say "I LOVE YOU" to Miss Fish who agreed to come to Cheras to examine the 5 of us on the 24th of October. You'll be the first with Jia Xin who'll enter the exam room first! Good luck to you and Jia Xin! =D
And after that, of course it'll be Ge Li, Su Ann and I.
Damn, that's scary.
After the exams, after December, I won't be stepping into the ballet studio with bun tied up neatly, navy spaghetti-leotard, tights and navy belt that teacher wants us to wear it everytime anymore. I'm going to miss you guys, and I hope we'll not lost in contact.

Nowadays, it's hard to keep in touch, no? Frankly, I've forgotten half of my previous schoolmates now. Not to deny that I've short term memory.


Why is this so hard?

I've not completed my holidays homework.
Waiting to die.
Waiting to get murdered by the principal.


What for, when they don't even look at you? (U)

I'm trying to go on a hiatus so hard but I eventually fail to.

I don't know what I want to do or I'm doing, really.


Commentless.
About everything.

Time flies.
A week ago, I was feeling so relieved because I get to rest and now, I'm under higher pressure because exams is coming up in less than a week. Oh, that's for EST and Civics, if I am not mistaken.
I'm getting lazier in going back to school. I don't want to face stress anymore. I'm not sick of it, but, I'm feeling as if I'm dying soon.
I don't think I can make it through Form 4, so, if I really do leave, goodbye.
I just...don't want to leave, that's why. I took so long to get used to WMS, and if I leave now, wouldn't it be a waste? And, I've finally found friends here, and I don't want to leave them that early. I'll miss them, more than I missed my previous school friends. I'll miss them more because they helped me a lot in getting used to this place. I really don't know what I'm thinking either.
And, I'm not ready, yet.


Dammit.
It's time to move on.

Labels: Ballet, Complains, Dear Diary, Depression, Rants