We had early dismissal today, so I went out.
To Pavilion.
I wanted to go to The Mall, but I didn't want to bump into him. I mean, who knows he'd be there. I played safe!!


Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Initially I was supposed to hang out with Carl Mann and J. But God knows why she didn't tell me that Say Loong is coming along! I wanted to tag along, then in the end, I decided to let them to be alone (:

J is so funny till I laughed like crazy.

I shall quote him!

"I used to think that GIS is the only school on earth."

You know, this really made me laugh like crap. I didn't know what to say, because, I mean...schools are everywhere!

"I can cook you know."

I am so shocked because, he's a guy! And he can cook!

"My boyfriend is Lee Hom."

After an hour or so...

"Rain is also my boyfriend."

So, I don't know whether he's straight...or crooked =/

Okay, kidding. He's joking around. He's super lame ._. Me like talki to lame people.

"I am scared of the scenes in a horror movie. If I watch it, I'll scream like crazy. I once said "OH MY GOD!" out loud in a cinema and my friend screamed too because I screamed."

Obviously, he's a chicken.

In my point of view, of course.


I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
Anyway, today is our last day before the mid-semester break! I'm so happy, because I'll get to eat and sleep all week long. But before all that, I've to complete:

Malay composition with the title "Bandar raya idamanku pada tahun 2020"

"The Pearl" summary from Chapter 3-6.

Add Maths project ):

Maths paper

Biology corrections

Chemistry exercise

Physics paper

Sejarah Chapter 3 mind map

Morale project (8 essays and 16 photos)

I spell that as D-E-A-D. I wonder why do they give us homework anyway. Homework are pointless! We'll still forget what we had done sooner or later.
Oh, that's for me, again. I've short term memory loss (;


Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You

In a blink of an eye, it'll already be November.
I'm afraid to move on.
I don't want to leave.
I want to let it be this way.
I've so many things to tell you.
But I don't dare to open my mouth to even give you my morning greetings.
Sometimes I wish I'm a guy, so I'll get to talk to you.
Sometimes I wish I don't exist, because I caused too much pain for myself.
Gosh.
My emo-ness.


Forever 21 is on sale! But too bad J was with me all the while when I was in Pavilion, so I didn't really get to shop (you know, guys don't like waiting boo) and I was in my uniform. I shall wait till I can shop alone then I'll go and buy whatever I like. With a limit, of course. Thinking of my things, I am now thinking of selling things that I don't really wear or want it. I have so many clothings that I don't wear at all. There's so many...um...I've-not-touched-it-before clothes. I'll of course sell it at a discounted price, so yep. It can be anything, so let's see.

I feel like baking again.
Damn.

Anyway, goodbye (:

Labels: Depression, Exams, Friends, Rants, School, Thoughts

we had enoch fernando yesterday to play a few piano pieces.

quote carl mann, "GOSH, i told my sister that a HOT AMERICAN WHITE GUY is coming to sing, but who knows...never mind T_T;"

i wonder who said it's going to be a hot american white guy? carl mann, carl mann. too much of dreamlands yeah?

bad! carl mann loves fantasies, i tell you.

quote phin jeck and chee yan, "are you a christian?"

i was so...shocked =/

9/10 people thinks i'm a christian, and they said its because i look like one. (thank you thank you!) the thing is, i'm not one, YET. oh yes i plan to be one (:

i want to go for the cf camp this year! (oh daddeh pwhease, let meh goh for teh camph!) i really want to go ):



i played tug-of-war for the first time today, and shot putt for the second time 2 days ago in my whole 17 years of life. i was some kind of a kelefeh like what ian said today. i'm a female, and i don't have the strength to really pull like a male. but i did pull ok! i used all my energy, until the last match...my team lost =/ but it's not really our fault anyway, because the lower secondary have more people than upper secondary.

as for shot putt...i was just trying out, because i know i have absolute zero talent in sports, so i didn't really hope for anything. anything as in...to be the representative for red house. it was for the fun of it, and to runaway from marching. at least i tried. i regret for not joining or train myself since young. i'm too old for anything. primary school is already gone forever, and, secondary school is coming to its end soon. i'm going to miss secondary school, especially my times in wms. the experiences here in wms is much more 'expensive' than my previous ones. good and bad. i appreciate them all. and will never forget them. thanks people (: i heart you guys for them. without them, i won't know how to face them in the future.



i actually had more to blog about. my deep thoughts, you know? but i keep on forgetting them. oh yes like what i have said before, i have short term memory loss! (:

anyway, when i remember what i wanted to blog about, or when i have something to blog about, i'll update again! (: be right back hons.

Labels: Christian, Enoch Fernando, Friends, School

ballentine's a type of whisky (:
no, i don't drink whisky.



i think it's weird that i've the urge to blog today. normally i'll feel lazy, or thinking that playing delicious 2 is a better way to rot my time away. actually, i do have a reason why to blog. talking about thoughts ):



i really, don't know how people can be so irresponsible. i lent her my cheongsam since november last year because i sympathised her and didn't want her to get in trouble, and now, she gave me a long granny story. this sucks in a way, and i can't do anything! guess what happens whenever she sees me or passes 5C? she runs away! this is getting on my nerves. she didn't dare to tell me the reason why she can't return my cheongsam back to me for more than a month, until today - this morning. i was so mad, that i couldn't even utter a word out! this is what i get, after my dad spent more than a hundred bucks buying that cheongsam for me, and me, just because i didn't want her to get in trouble, and helped her by lending her my cheongsam. and we aren't close at all. we just know that we exist in wesley methodist school. we did not even have a proper conversation too. we don't even say hi!

gosh.
irresponsible, no? it's not even hers!



have you all started studying for the first term yet? i've not started! at all. when i did the physics test today, i realized that 50% playing 50% paying attention is not good enough. i think i'll fail physics because i forgot to revise for physics test today. and i didn't have a clue on what mr chin was saying about waves (but i am pretty sure that he was talkin' about transerve waves and longitudinal waves) during physics lessons anyway. no, i'm not that smart (: my progress sheet says it all. thinking about the first term freaks me out. i think i'll have more red marks than before. but! i shall think positively. yes yes yes?

anyway, is any of you taking the IELTS or TOEFL exam? i'm seriously blur right now =/



i've a feeling that most of us are feeling emoish nowadays. so many things are happening to us, and i've a positive feeling about this. things will be fine. and all you need to give in is time. (yes, tick-tock-tick-tock) give in time, and don't think that it's the end of the world. you have a lot of things to do, and never think to give up. hold on, and never let your hope go, unless it is really a dead hope.

and this is for you guys who are emoing away. just to let you guys know...no matter how not-close we are (xiaoyun!),



i like playing wii!
i can finally play cooking mama on wii! (: how cool is that!? i've been waiting to play cooking mama.
now i've finally said that chocolates are fattening =/ and i really love it. i'm making myself troublesome now. gosh. i used to eat lots of chocolates, especially dark ones. Lindt is yummy. oh-kay, i said chocolates are fattening and i'm still talking about chocolates.
mama! (see, i told you i like playing cooking mama on wii)


torn between two perfect person is the worse thing can happen. it hurts a lot. it needs a lot to courage to dare to say, dare to ask, dare to declare that you do.



oh you know, i actually answered a few of madam premila's questions correctly! (:

but that doesn't mean i study. hah.

i'm proud of my short-term memory yo! and i'm not embarrassed to admit that i love my short-term memory.

yes, you got it right in your head. what a lie. no one likes short-term memory. but sometimes...short-term memory is good. you get to forget some stuffs. if you're lucky, you will get to forget some sad stuffs. like i did. i get to forget one or two, and eventually i'll remember it later. shucks. hmm =/



oh.

happy valentine's day!

Labels: Depression, greetings, Random, Rants, School

everyone has posted their new year's resolutions except me. i posted one last year (as in for 2008) and i've not post my 2009's. here i am to type my late new year's resolution!

1. not to procrastinate
2. help my brother in his studies
3. study well
4. bake a cheesecake for mum and dad's anniversary which is about in a few days' time
5. love my family more
6. change myself
7. not to neglect God as much as usual
8. love my friends more
9. not to complain too much about school *smacks self*
10. not to live in denial
11. go for a party
12. to celebrate my birthday with my friends
13. to have someone like Edward Cullen
14. bake cupcakes with Jasmine and Jane
15. have Jasmine and Jane to sleepover
16. have more money!
17. understand and love myself better

i just don't understand myself ._. who does?



seriously, i need a life now. but i don't know where to find it. i am getting more lazy as time passes by and i am neglecting my books away when spm is coming so soon.

high school is coming to its end this year. and college will come up next. sometimes i just want to stay in kindergarten and not move on.

talking about kindergarten...i can remember those girls. there's this girl...let us know her as A (i can't remember her name at all). A liked bullying me, although i've never did anything to her. i've never tried to fix things back like now, so, who cares, right? then someday, i was playing around the 'playground' and i was running. but who knows i knocked into her and she fell. and the best part was, i didn't even know that i knocked her down. and now, i thought to myself, "is that the return of her bullying me so much?" sometimes, i still think of it whether did i knock her down because i didn't feel anything. how mean i was.

and when i was going to kindergarten, i had this neighbour who played with me everyday without fail. hm, we were kids, o-kay? i used to call her as my best friend. i miss her a lot, but recently when i pass my previous house, her house has a lot of long grasses, and obviously she has moved out. but i don't know where she is now. i can never forget her name - Ngam Mei San.

o there's another girl. we were close to each other, and if i am not mistaken, she's a year younger than me. because she was smarter than the others, she gets to skip a class. i can't remember her name but i still remember her surname - Ho. we got drifted away because i beat her. o she got her dad to settle it too lol. and that beating was like a playing one but she took it seriously so, goodbye to that friendship.



sometimes, i wished i have come to wms since form 1. i couldn't go because of some problems. not some. it was a problem. if you've been wondering why was i desperate to come to wms, it wasn't actually me. my first choice was aism, but my dad said, "why do you want to spend so much for this school? save some money for your college and university." and my second choice was sri cempaka. i got in, and my dad has paid off the first semester fees. but who knows sri cempaka is crazy and called saying "hello sir, our fees have increased and we need you to pay off the remaining half." after some arguments, that lady said, "okay, you pay *inserts number*, can ah?" my dad didn't like that because sri cempaka doesn't have policies. thats what my dad said, so, i couldn't go anymore. then i requested sayfol and fairview. my dad then said, "try emailing them and ask what is their passing rate." i emailed, and the email was failed to be send. gosh, then my dad said, "it's not a good school then."

i was so ._. seriously.

then my dad remembered about wms. i thought i couldn't come to kl anymore, but who knows my dad remembered about wms! then he applied for me and my brother. i got in while my brother couldn't get in.

anyway, yeah i know i complained way too much when i first stepped into wms. i just couldn't move on in life. slowly, i blended in, and yeah here i am. it was hard, but i got through it.

this year, we have shukim from terengganu. and i think she's facing a harder time than i did. i hope she can make it though. it takes a lot of time to blend into the school. sometimes i do think why can't i feel contented at that time. but isn't it too late?

i believe in hope.


sometimes you'll think, why can't you be as happy as this kid?

this wednesday will be my mum and dad's wedding anniversary. and i have to bake 5kg of cake with icing for them ._. thats what my dad said. but i am not going to bake 5kg of cake of course. do you have an idea about how big is 5kg? it's super big! my cake when i was celebrating my 15th birthday was super huge and it was only 2kg? my dad wants me to bake 5kg? gosh!

madam stanley got a cupcake from me and she couldn't believe that my baking experience at that time was 2 weeks old. lol! and madam selva likes my cheese cupcake (: i know it's not sweet of course because my dad doesn't like sweet ones.

carl mann likes chocolate chips but i haven't bake one with chocolate chips for her yet. o carl mann, wait till you come over to li ling's house then i will do one for you. i bought the chocolate chips already but i haven't bake it, yet.

that day in school, when i brought chocolate banana cupcake to school...when they were eating them, zhuo wei sniffed and said, "this smells good." i was laughing because i've not seen anyone sniffing. but my mistake was i didn't put in bananas. my bad. i put in a teaspoon of banana essence and yeah they had the smell, no taste ._.



i think i better get going, because i am going back to seremban later. and i have not finished my homework. looks like i am going to get killed on monday =/

okay, now i remember, i will be tad busy on monday finishing my friday's homework and on top of that, i must bake on monday! for my mum and dad.

that spells D-I-E, no?

Labels: Dear Diary, Reminiscence, School, Thoughts

form 5 isn't relaxing at all. not even tad bit for us to breathe in fresh air. this sucks. we already had lessons on our very first day, which sucked ._.;

and now, thursday has...triple doubles. like, double malay, double chemistry, double physics. yes, on the same day (: i like wednesday though. ask me why!

even if you don't ask, i'll tell you why anyway. hm. it is because the subjects i have on wednesday are all single periods! so i have 9 subjects in a day, and time passes really fast.

but before all that, im still in 5c, and im lovin' it. i am currently sitting beside carl mann and lets hope madam hema won't change our seating plan. so, lets see who are my teachers for the year.

malay: encik abdul rahim
people says that he's boring, which i don't think so because during his lessons, i'll either talk to carl mann, or do my homework. so it doesn't make any difference to me =/

english: madam stanley
*cries out loud* why madam baljit isn't my teacher anymore? this is so sad. kar yau will be making us laugh as usual, and yes, his jokes/anything make my day. everyone will laugh out loud whenever he answers madam stanley. henry will never stop laughing out loud. when i have already stopped laughing, he'll still be laughing ._. and yes that made me laugh even more.

add math: madam sarah
i miss madam leong's excessive given homework now.

math: madam hema
quote carl mann, "*vomit blood*". but no worries. another 'free' period! its not like i can do anything but, i can daydream!

biology: miss teng
praise the lord! im very lucky to have her again, although she's super strict, but, if she's not my teacher this year and the new teacher/any teacher is my biology teacher, i will fall asleep in class and fail again ._.

chemistry: madam norhayati
as usual. she's good, but i am the one slow in getting what she means.

physics: mr chin
'free period'! he gets upset whenever i do other homework in class because i don't score his paper. but i do listen ok!? see i am so good xD

civics: mr balan
my scouts teacher S: i think someone asked whether we could do our own work and not study civics, but he said no.

history: madam premila
history is not my thing, so, i often get drifted away with the text book and hence the appearance of C and D (still a pass!).

moral: madam faridah
._._.; i don't know why but i just dislike her lessons! civics is like, way better than moral. i've never liked moral and i can never pay attention in her class. even if i do, i just don't like it and will flunk the paper.

ict: madam lalitha
who cares about ict? i don't.

i really hope that i won't fall asleep during lessons this year. this year is like the most important year now. spm is around the corner, well not really around the corner, but time passes really fast you know.

after whatever i've said, i can still blog here.

shouldn't i be studying right now? ._.

oh, just for today xD i shall procrastinate just for today.

aren't i too free?



*yawns*

goodnight.

p/s: i really don't know what i just blogged about anyway.

Labels: School

I've been reading nowadays. I just finished New Moon. I'm still waiting for Eclipse. I just want Eclipse now. If I am going out this Saturday, I'll get Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, since Carl Mann wouldn't lend me hers.



I screwed up games. Now I know that water balloons and I don't get along. Feesh, why would they even want me to play? I'm just, not interested in playing games. Running, and whatever is just so not me. I can't do them all, and yes, I give up in learning how to. It's too hard. I rather sleep and eat and grow fat.



By the way, my Japanese host is coming next Friday. I emailed her...months ago and I've yet to receive a reply from her so I'll assume that she doesn't know how to use the computer, or, she doesn't have a computer on her own. Worst, she doesn't understand the email? Damnit. Since they are coming, I've to dance. Another feesh. Can I not dance, Steph? She said no. I am so freaking lazy to remember the steps. We don't have the fans too. Hard to practice. And we have less than a fortnight to brush up and remember those steps! Sigh.

I shan't sigh anymore. Boom.

My dance partner is Khye Mun. (whoopsy, did I spell his name right?) After *counts* 10 months in WMS, I just know who Khye Mun is. Dang.

Jing Xuan &I are the best copy cats on earth, right, Jing Xuan? We're good at copying dance steps, especially the finale! Gosh, I feel so...like a queen at copying. I was completely clueless today, when everyone else knew some steps. At first I became so frustrated that I can just step out any moment and then I decided to chill.

Reow.





Anyway, I might be...on a hiatus again? I don't know what to blog about and so, I'm off to...sleeping and reading at the moment, until I have something to blog about in the future.


(See, I forgot to say something again.)



About Cameron!

Cameron was hot. Yes, it was hot. Hot for me, not you. I slept with shorts that night. Oh yes, there were mosquitoes too. Darn. I had so many mosquito bites on my hand and face. So much of being cold there. I went to that tea factory and I liked the smell. Maybe because of the bitterness-like smell. Hm. I like that kind of smell. I got bored when they got us to the explanation of how tea reached Malaysia, and how BOH was here, etc, things like that. I enjoyed the food, both dinner and lunch. I enjoyed the jungle walk in Gunung Brinchang too. I enjoyed laughing at the guys, especially Yi Sheng and Ki Yip, for crapping.

After this Cameron trip, I have another 3 new nick names - kampung girl, emo &cartoon! Yi Sheng gave me those names though.

I think that's all.
Ta.
I'll pray &keep on wishing that you will agree to go out with me, and, build a bond between us as friends.

Labels: Dear Diary, School, Traveling And Events

Will be going to Cameron Highlands tomorrow at 1pm with other Scout members.

I just finished Avalon High by Meg Cabot. Reviews? Heck, it's lame. YES, LAME.

Now, i am going to read New Moon! I got it from Wei Jing this morning.

After this morning, I just know that I am not born for sports. Seriously. It's not my thing. I can't run for a ball. Like seriously! If I could, i am a superwoman.

Labels: School, Thoughts

I stepped in, feeling anxious and confident, stepped out laughing at myself. Gosh, I screwed up my variation and grand allegro. Miss Hiew told me not to be too nervous before stepping in. Darn it man, Miss Fish asked us to do solos too. Reow. Solos as in, doing it by yourself.

Thank God that the freework weren't that hard as I thought. Miss Tong told Miss Hiew that it's harder. I've no idea.

Whatever it is, it's all gone!

Now, back to school results.


"Stop following him like his shadow."
"I wish I could stop."

I passed Physics. Carl Mann is happy. I am happy. We're both happy. So far, I've gotten back my Add Math, Math, History and EST papers. Reow. I passed all of it. Lalalala.









why must you ignore me like this?

I use icons to express myself. I'm not good at expressing myself through words, so I use pictures. If you're wondering how I got all these, I'll tell you now.

Go to xanga.com, then click blogrings. Then you can see this search bar on that page then type in icons. Blogrings is something like groups. So yeah. Just click on the first group then go to that person's profile and walla, go and copy &paste.

Wonders of Xanga.

Labels: Ballet, School, Thoughts

Exams are gone forever.
It's my last FTE. For life.
I mean yes, this is my second last year in school, and I'll not have any FTEs, post exams, anything, anymore. After this year. Gosh.
Isn't it sad?


If you ask me how much I like him,
I'll say,
as much as raindrops.

I know I'm failing ICT, Moral, and subjects like that. I couldn't do ICT! At all.

Reow.
I wish you know how I feel, and appreciate me as much as I appreciate you. Although it's a not-going-to-come-true wish, I'm still holding on to you. I really don't know why it's you out of all people. It hurts so badly and yet I still hold on to you.


An actor is feelingless. I am that actor I'm talking about. Because of the feelings I have for you, I began to lost myself, for real.

Labels: Depression, Rants, School