My first ever CF Camp is something I'll never forget in my whole entire life.

No photos were taken during the camp though. I was too lazy to use my phone to take any photos. I was too upset to do anything.

I would like to thank Chris all over again, who accompanied me throughout the whole camp. Guess he knew that I'd be lonely without my friends. Coincidentally I was upset during the camp, so it didn't bother me that much. Anyhow, I still appreciate what he did. The thoughts he had for me. He left his bunch of friends to accompany me.
Just somehow, but I don't know how, I became his 'guardian angel' for some game prepared by the committee. It is just fate.
That's why I didn't really care about him during the game. I still did ok! And he made me looked so stingy when they asked everyone to reveal themselves as the person's guardian angel. I gave him so many things. Well, as for the so called 2 free drinks, I actually asked Tim to pass 1 to him, not 2. I don't know how the other one reached him though. I didn't buy stuffs as gifts for my mortal from that place because of the price! It's out of my budget, although I can afford it. I mean, I wouldn't want to pay RM2 for a HotCup, or RM4 for a Cornetto. I know, it's thoughts that counts. But, I had to save my money. I gave him seaweeds, mentos, lolipop, a note, and 1 free drink altogether.
He was there listening to the voice of my heart, even it bores him, or things like that. He didn't stop asking me whether I'm alright. He never stopped trying to cheer me up.

I would also like to thank Xiaoyun, Eli, Tammy and Hannah for giving me hugs and encouragement when I broke down at that particular time. I know I made myself look like I'm craving for attention. But seriously, I'm not, okay? Just that...things happened at the wrong time. I wanted to enjoy my camp without any pain, but...yeah, things happened. Now I'm alright. Super alright. Thanks a lot (:

Anyway, the food was better than I expected. I thought it'll be some...edible but yucky food. Who knows, the food were alright. I liked their chicken curry. I don't like their breakfast, because they don't provide cold drinks ): I must have cold drinks at all time, or else I won't drink at all. I mean it. They prepared hot tea in the morning, which...stopped me from drinking it. But oh wait, I think I drank it, after putting the cup on that dining table for minutes.

Oh, Jocelyn's birthday was on the 2nd day of the camp too! The dorm people asked me to act as if I-don't-know-that-it's-her-birthday-today, even when I asked her when's her birthday the night before her birthday. So in the end, I did what they asked for. Poor Jocelyn thought no one remembered her birthday. She didn't know that the dorm people have prepared a birthday surprise during praise and worship for her. Cool eh?

Heh.

There're more than that, actually. I shall keep it somewhere behind my brain (:


Today.

I went to Mid Valley with Li Ling, Corliss, Shukim, Brian, Choon, Joey and the other 2 Australians.

I walked until I wanted to drop dead in Mid Valley. I'm serious. Thank goodness I didn't wear my heels today, or else, I'll be massaging my own feet right now.

I didn't watch The Fast and Furious 4 in the end though. Just because they stamped (18+), I don't want to get stopped by the people working there anymore. I don't like it when someone asks me to verify myself that I'm 18, or show documents to show who I am. I wouldn't want to show you my IC, revealing myself to you, when I don't even know you - at all.

Wait till I'm 18, then I will "CALL YOUR MANAGER, OUT NOW!!". Kidding. I don't know why I've to look younger than my age ):



It's not a good thing after all.

Ah.



Oh yes, I bought the tees I've hunted for all the while. Thank God they have my size in F.O.S. Like...FINALLY! (:

My Little Miss tees. Actually, I found many of them in some Singapore department store, but I don't know why I didn't buy them there though. There were plenty of them, I swear.

Oh oh oh, I got "Little Miss Fickle", "Little Miss Laughter", and "My Boyfriend is Mr Perfect".

Thanks Corliss, for treating me RM2 (: at Sushi King.

Labels: Camp, Dear Diary, Shopping, Thoughts

We had early dismissal today, so I went out.
To Pavilion.
I wanted to go to The Mall, but I didn't want to bump into him. I mean, who knows he'd be there. I played safe!!


Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Initially I was supposed to hang out with Carl Mann and J. But God knows why she didn't tell me that Say Loong is coming along! I wanted to tag along, then in the end, I decided to let them to be alone (:

J is so funny till I laughed like crazy.

I shall quote him!

"I used to think that GIS is the only school on earth."

You know, this really made me laugh like crap. I didn't know what to say, because, I mean...schools are everywhere!

"I can cook you know."

I am so shocked because, he's a guy! And he can cook!

"My boyfriend is Lee Hom."

After an hour or so...

"Rain is also my boyfriend."

So, I don't know whether he's straight...or crooked =/

Okay, kidding. He's joking around. He's super lame ._. Me like talki to lame people.

"I am scared of the scenes in a horror movie. If I watch it, I'll scream like crazy. I once said "OH MY GOD!" out loud in a cinema and my friend screamed too because I screamed."

Obviously, he's a chicken.

In my point of view, of course.


I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
Anyway, today is our last day before the mid-semester break! I'm so happy, because I'll get to eat and sleep all week long. But before all that, I've to complete:

Malay composition with the title "Bandar raya idamanku pada tahun 2020"

"The Pearl" summary from Chapter 3-6.

Add Maths project ):

Maths paper

Biology corrections

Chemistry exercise

Physics paper

Sejarah Chapter 3 mind map

Morale project (8 essays and 16 photos)

I spell that as D-E-A-D. I wonder why do they give us homework anyway. Homework are pointless! We'll still forget what we had done sooner or later.
Oh, that's for me, again. I've short term memory loss (;


Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You

In a blink of an eye, it'll already be November.
I'm afraid to move on.
I don't want to leave.
I want to let it be this way.
I've so many things to tell you.
But I don't dare to open my mouth to even give you my morning greetings.
Sometimes I wish I'm a guy, so I'll get to talk to you.
Sometimes I wish I don't exist, because I caused too much pain for myself.
Gosh.
My emo-ness.


Forever 21 is on sale! But too bad J was with me all the while when I was in Pavilion, so I didn't really get to shop (you know, guys don't like waiting boo) and I was in my uniform. I shall wait till I can shop alone then I'll go and buy whatever I like. With a limit, of course. Thinking of my things, I am now thinking of selling things that I don't really wear or want it. I have so many clothings that I don't wear at all. There's so many...um...I've-not-touched-it-before clothes. I'll of course sell it at a discounted price, so yep. It can be anything, so let's see.

I feel like baking again.
Damn.

Anyway, goodbye (:

Labels: Depression, Exams, Friends, Rants, School, Thoughts

"quando danças, queria
que fosses como a onda
do mar para que nunca
fizesse outra coisa."
-William Shakespeare
i just realized that ballerinas do potray themselves on dances. when they are happy, EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. when they are sad, they'll screw it up ):
i do have to admit, i am not good at it, since i can't even lift my legs 90° sideways. but i can do it for front and back! (; thanks to my previous teacher, who forced the hell out of me to lift it.

oh yes, tze jean is my current crab! she's superb at creating her own vocabulary! i'm serious. you should talk to her, and get to know her fantastic vocabulary. i guarantee you that you'll laugh (:

we have so much of things in common too! like our favorite foooood!
we plan to be christians too! (; miao.


I feel so helpless,
...knowing that I'm not the one.
I'm not her, or her.
I don't have any pretty points.

It's March already!!!
SPM is getting nearer day by day.
And this is freaking me out, like seriously.
When am I going to start studying?
Don't know.
Am i going to fail?
Most probably.
I've never been smart anyway. I'm not that girl who scores A's or B's. I'm one who scores C's and D's.
Do not.
I mean it.
Do not mention about my UPSR and PMR.
SPM is not equivalent to UPSR and PMR!
I know, if I can it for both of it, why can't I do it for SPM?
Because I'm not smart!!!
Not complaining.
I'm happy with myself.


i'm tired of hiding my true self.
i'm tired of pretending.
i'm tired of putting up my fake smile.
i'm tired of him.
i'm tired of him.
i'm tired of them.
i'm tired of everything...
when can i let them go?
let us be happy! (: and be stress free, due to the increasing rate of stress we're having now (:
for some particular reason - which i don't know what it is, i'll always do things that will waste my time before the exams. i'm serious about it. i'll watch tv, online, or bake crazily when exam's a week away. i've not touched my work, and don't think i'll pass it anyway.
cooking mama!

i think i should play wii now D:


Do you know that a friend of mine said babi twice when he wanted to say bagi? He was practising his oral you see, and God knows why he said babi twice when he wanted to say bagi.
He's always funny, I tell you.

Lawl Jawn, you're funneh! (: <3
P/S: The "lawl" is not intentional. I put that up because that spelling suits his current nickname.


if you love something, let it go.
if it comes back, its yours


I will be care-free.

Labels: Friends, Random, Thoughts

i know it is indeed rare for me to blog during the weekdays when school's still on everyday from monday to friday, piling our homework up to the ceiling.
but i just feel like blogging.
i've so much to pour out, but i don't dare.
i used to be daring enough to pour my feelings (escpecially my rant) out easily. but now, i've to think at least 10 times whether to pour it out into my blog.
because people betray the trust i gave them until i don't even dare to tell them how i feel about something. i gave them warning about it, and they still want to read it without me forcing them, and then bitch talk about it. it gets on my nerves, you know?


i think i know how you feel. obviously most probably i won't know how you feel because, i'm not you. i might not be right, but its just a thought. &i think its a feeling of confusion, love, care, and many other types of emotions. wanting them to know and not know how you feel sincerely about them, hurts. at the same time, you want them to feel the same way how you are feeling for them. when you realize that its probably not going to happen, you'll feel like breaking down even more. be strong. don't let your tears run down your cheeks. save it for something else. obviously you can't help it but to cry your pain out, so, try as hard as possible to hold it back.

(i know we're not close, but, as a friend, i should do something. even if i fail to, i'll still try. i'm sorry if it's not as what's going on to you right now.)


Have some alcohol, to forget your pain.
Not.
anyway, i shall leave blogger.com and go back to microsoft office to finish up my malay oral script and add maths distribution table.

goodnight, people (:

Labels: Depression, Rants, Thoughts

i don't feel good, like really. my head's heavy now, and i have some signals telling me that i'm going to fall sick, again. guess i'm really weak. i did some blood test about a year ago, and it states that i have 0% of antibodies in me.


i just asked my dad about the cf camp. he has yet to give me the answer. i've to ask him again soon.

i really, really want to go, although i know that i will feel left out, and lonely. it's not for any particular reason except because i want to join them, since last year.


projects are piling up, and i'm getting more stressed than usual. gosh.

who knows how to do add maths, ict and morale?

sometimes i wonder why do we need it.

and i wonder why did i even bother to help. my bad. i shan't regret.

quote Xiaoyun, "you sometime amaze me, because you look so blissful in your happy world."

aw!

how did i build my happy world?

i don't know.

i don't know whether i look happy, or sad, or neutral. because, i think i am feelingless.


this is my happy world!
i'm restricting myself from over eating.

you don't want to know how much i eat everyday! i over eat, and in the end, grow sideways. i want to grow upwards, like the beanstalk! but too bad.

i can put on maximum 1kg per day. you may think that i'm bullshitting, but really, i'm not. i tried it once, and i freaked out myself too.

that happened when i over ate the day before. but then, after the food got digested in my stomach, i'll lose weight again. and it goes on everyday, without fail. like a cycle.

well, it's a cycle!


i like complaining like a little kid. i don't know why, but, yes. it annoys people, but, i can't help it.

but there are some things that i don't complain about, and it's still in my heart. i don't dare to let it out, in case of...things? i don't know. but i just don't want people to know.

because it hurts. sometimes complaining doesn't help you solve your problems.


nowadays, i'm always on asianfanatics.net forum to read people's problems, and give them suggestions to help them out. besides helping them out, i help myself out too.

some of the problems are similar to mine, so, i can get a clue on how to solve it.

because of them, i don't regret, or feel sad letting him go. he always get on my nerves by throwing tantrums at me, or showing me his effin (whoops!) attitude.


i want to shop online! but! their sizes don't suit me ):

why must their bust line be so small? why must mine be big? gosh i dislike this. hmph.

i don't care anymore. i will have plastic surgery when i have the money!

you know, i feel upset whenever i remember that my size is actually a size smaller, and i've to wear a size or 2 size bigger because of my bustline? it hurts me so much. i don't know why girls want theirs to be bigger. eg; my own kawan baik, Yap Carl Mann.

bigger bustline = less shopping = sad.

):

i shall not elaborate on this.


seriously, i don't know when am i going to start studying for the term exams.

speaking about SPM, i'm not even touching my books yet! i am completely clueless about F4 work now. and when i fail, i'll complain. and it's my fault for not studying. dang.

can i die? ._.

=.=; @ me.


Mamma mia, here I go again!


I'll build my own confidence again. My promise to You. If I fall again, I'll wake up and try again. I will not stop trying and cry.


So true.

Labels: Miscellaneous, Thoughts

i don't get it.
why must we pay more than a hundred bucks for SPM? its not like we want to take it.
just because we're in a private school, that doesn't mean we should pay for it. dang.
we're still studying the malaysian syllabus. which includes EST, and Moral.
isn't that enough?
first of all, we don't even need EST or Moral in the future.
waste of time.



i'm feeling rather down too. but i shall cheer myself up with ferrero rocher! fattening, i know, but, still yummy. or my freshly baked caramel pudding.

don't talk bad about my bakeries. i can bake okay! (:
just kidding. you have not tried my bakeries anyway.
i just want my dad to enjoy it.
and he actually does (:
i am going to try to cook soon! (:

i just realized something. if i am not in the mood for anything and i still want to bake, the whole thing will suit the rubbish bin. i have prove. i baked 2 weeks ago, and the whole thing turned out to be...terrible, worst than my first time.




but i am afraid if my first dish will be black! or too sweet, or too salty.
should i try cooking?
hmm =/

i should!
no harm, right?



i shall shoo now. goodnight people (:

Labels: Random, Rants, Thoughts

guess how i came across david archuleta's crush? D:

from li ling, when we were on our way back home from perijaya.

and o i know how to spell his name too, when it's my first time spelling his name! i'm a genius! (:


I may not believe in regrets
But I believe in self assurance
Some things I'd rather forget
We see what we choose and
We choose what we see to believe

guess where am i going tonight?

daorae korean bbq restaurant!

my korean rice cakes! (: i can't stress how much i love korean rice cakes.

guess where am i going tomorrow?

EARN MONEY!

everyone is going earn money during chinese new year, no? count the amount that you will be receiving in red packets yo. that's your salary for the year! D:


never apologize for how you feel,
because it's just like apologizing for being real.

i shall post some worthy quotes below my pictures or icons from today onwards! (:


You're the one, that's making me crazy
I'm in love, but it's only temporary

i'm...wordless now anyway =/

i don't know what to blog about.

wait, i don't know what to blog about since a long time ago. i've lost my blogging sense O:

Labels: Thoughts

i always laugh at my laptop's screen whenever i chat with carl mann online.


like really, i think i'm crazy whenever i talk to her. anywhere.


i didn't know titanic sinking into the pacific ocean was real. i thought it was just a movie, until i google-ed about it a few days ago. but the love story was fake. when i watched titanic last week, i nearly cried. it's so effin sad that i can't hold back my tears that time. but since i'm strong, i held it back.

you must be thinking that i'm crapping right now.

i felt so touched watching titanic. dang.



life's so good right now. i get to sleep early and wake up late. i miss waking up at 12pm, when i slept at 11pm the night before.

anyway,

happy chinese new year (:

may you collect lots of $$

Labels: greetings, Thoughts

you know, i actually miss last year. not the bad ones, of course.

i miss those times when i had ballet every wednesday, saturday and sunday. i miss those times when i had to go on a diet (for a few days, because i can't let go of my 4-5 times a day habit), because miss hiew was nitpicking my fats &tummy. i miss those times when i get to procrastinate whole year long, and in the end failing my exam. oh-kay, i don't miss failing my papers, but, i miss procrastinating! now, even if i procrastinate for 5 mere minutes, i won't have time doing my homework and essential stuffs anymore, and i'll have to take a long time to catch up. ok fine i was exaggerating, but still!

i learnt a lot of things last year. i learnt how to bake, everything. i can still remember my first time baking several weeks ago. it was edible, but too sweet =/ now, this chinese new year, i mean, i'll bake cupcakes with chocolate chips just because my kawan baik (find out who, because she knows who she is! and, o its not a guy. and i'm not a lesbian either.) likes chocolate chips. talking about baking, i miss jasmine because she was here when i baked for the second time.

so anyway,

when i was telling carl mann in school that i am baking cheesecake for my parents' wedding anniversary,

quote zhengern, "whats your problem with baking now? everyday bake bake bake only."

i lol-ed, because i was telling carl mann about it, and zhengern suddenly *poof*.



initially i wanted to blog about last night at overseas restaurant, menara pgrm. so yep. i shall start bragging about it now.

i reached home from school at about 4 something, as usual, and i started getting ready. and i only got completely ready at about 6, which got myself into trouble, because my dad wanted to leave at 5.30pm, when i was half-ready.

while waiting for my mum and other guests to arrive, my dad, brother and i talked about issues. after for awhile, my mum reached with my uncle and grandfather.

and my mum saw the cheesecake on the table and she said, "aren't you suppose to take that out later?" which i also agreed. my dad said to take it out from the box (you know, my dad put the cake into a taiwan pon kan mandarin oranges box, and people actually thought i bought the cake from taiwan ._.), and put candles on it too.

since my mum asked me to take a photo of the cake, so i took it. or else i won't bother taking a picture of it.



yes, this is the cake. i've not taken a picture of the filling yet though. it's edible, and my uncles love it, especially my dad (:

then when everyone including leon (yes, my dad called leon, mind you. i was in the state of shock days ago when he asked me to call leon along) has arrived, we started eating.

there's a few situations that i want to share with you.

young grandaunt: who's that?
yuen may: friend!
young grandaunt: who's friend?
yuen may: er...
my brother: hehehehe i told you jie, that people will ask! my sister's boyfriend!
yuen may: yeah, friend! my brother's friend, my friend too.
young grandaunt: boyfriend is it?
yuen may: y...no!
young grandaunt: don't lie lah.

most of the conversation was conversed in cantonese, so i was lost of words, since i'm not good in cantonese. if it was in mandarin, i would have spoken to her with sarcasm. wait, what sarcasm statements i could tell her anyway =/ my mandarin is not even upsr qualified.

other than that,

young grandaunt: you know who's that or not?
old grandaunt: yeah, may's friend.
young grandaunt: oh like that lah may, you told her, but you didn't tell me.
yuen may: *giggles*

the way my young grandaunt got 'jealous' is so funny.

after dinner and et cetera, my dad sent leon back home. the end.

by that time i reached home, it was almost 12am already. and hence that's the reason why i didn't go to school today. actually i could go, but, i was too lazy to get my bum out from the bed. i just love my bed - just like how everyone else loves their bed.



oh Jesus,
i actually didn't go to school also because i haven't finish my a week old add maths homework. i am just so sick of sitting in front of madam sarah when she's teaching chapter 9 right now. i've given up hope in add maths. i can't do it anymore. i can do form 4 chapters, but i can't do form 5's, especially the one she recently taught. i miss madam leong so much. i miss the way she taught timothy, cheeyan, waikeong, meelian and i last year. i miss her homework ): i am not saying madam sarah's not good, but i am not used to it. madam leong and madam sarah are completely opposites. i've a feeling that i won't do well for my add maths this term. o i didn't say i am good at it either. i am never good in academics, even when i try like a monkey eating banana. i know monkey can eat banana professionally, but, i still prefer using monkeys as an example. i shall move on, and work harder. and complain less. i think i complain too much too.
i think i'm done.




to be frank, i started typing this post out at 1840, but due to some reasons, i couldn't post it as early as i could. and now is currently 0100.

my first reason is, i was busy working on my new blogskin, where i have to merge a few likings into one. my other reason is, i went to the playground to chit chat and take my biology notebook from liling.

and now i am finally done with my new blogskin! i merged a few blogskins into one. i think i like this now. let's see how long i can last on with this blogskin. i keep on saying i like my blogskin, and i've changed it for don't know how many donkey times. it's pink, and grey, because its soft (: j-wen on blogskins.com is my inspiration!

now you know i like soft colors! (:



yes, i'm too blessed to be stress. isn't it true enough? i'm stressed over studies at school, and i'd bring the stress back home.

thank goodness that tomorrow's the official holidays for wms (:

i know carl mann is :@ at me, because i'm not going to school for one whole upcoming week. eh carl mann, you know, what if suddenly i felt like going to school? then i will be there, alright? bahaha.

i know jing xuan and carl mann are hardworking, damn.

now, i don't have the mood to even touch my homework. let's see whether i'll get screwed up when school reopens.


i actually thought that zac efron is the detective conan, until carl mann told me just now, at about 5 something, when she onlined. no-oh, it's not my fault, because i read her blog when she blogged about conan and zac efron together.

anyway, it's time for chinese new year, again. this will go on forever and ever. and i'm going to dao-rae for the family reunion dinner. i love dao-rae! my cousin loves dao-rae too, since she loves korean.



i shall stop blogging for now, and i will post next time when i feel like it (:

cheerios.

Labels: Friends, Rants, Reminiscence, Thoughts, Traveling And Events