okay so this is the xandria + taylor lautner + anything else post [:

let me start with xandria post first hah.

so, last week during the holidays when i was waiting for my dad, i decided to go to the gardens. &as you know gardens &mid valley are linked, so i walked to mid valley. they had this event by sasa.

i was looking at the host &somehow something striked. that was xandria ooi, that hitz.tv vj or something like that few years back [; ohohoh i was a big fan of hitz.tv when i was in year 6 okay.

&so i asked to take a picture with her meh.

i look ugly here but who cares. a picture tells a million words.



Xandria Ooi &i
&after that amelia came over to my place to return my disc. &after that i was browsing xiaoyun's blog &i saw my name so i told amelia about it.

&it was coincidential that amelia &i were bored so we decided to watch those youtube videos on xiaoyun's blog. thats how the story of ryan higa &taylor lautner came into our life. the videos on xiaoyun's blog was hilarious that amelia &i couldn't stop laughing at all. we were laughing &laughing until we concluded that ryan higa is hawt [;

after that we started talking about new moon &thats how taylor lautner came into picture. we decided to watch some new moon trailer which consists taylor, taylor &taylor only. once he appeared, amelia &i screamed like nobody's business that even my grandmother thought something happened ._.

you can't blame our hormones, no?

ohohoh she made me watch a little of saw too. saw is yucky.

oh no i've never watched saw.


trials are starting from tomorrow &i am not looking forward to it at all. i am not ready at all for any subjects, especially my science subjects, and humanities subject. yike.

i am ready to fail history but not moral. there's too many facts in history &i don't think i can memorize nor know them in time.

oh i want to thank lili for logic gates today [:

&today, is my first time looking for mr chin for some help in physics ._.

normally i don't go to him &oh, radioactivity is not that difficult anyway. i just need more understanding in physics.

i really need good forecast to get into college in january ]:

i don't want to go for national service &waste time sigh. yikes.

hopefully i can get min C6 for all subjects with luck ._.



i drove to school today too! [:
&when i reached, walked up to class, i saw zheng.
quote zheng: "whoa, why so early?"
&then i followed zheng to her locker. when i was standing there, xuan appeared. without a hi...
quote xuan: "omg you're early."
i'm safe.
hah.
my first time &i'm safe!
hah.
hopefully next time when i drive to school, i'll be safe. hah.
it's scary to be on the road alone when no one is around you but solid cars that might bang into you at anytime &anywhere.



just sometimes, i want to be aneroxic. sigh.
50% aneroxic is pretty i think?
but when i start eating, i can't stop. i just can't stop.



for some friends [:
i know you can do it [:

Labels: aneroxic, drive, mr chin, Rants, trials, Xandria

We had early dismissal today, so I went out.
To Pavilion.
I wanted to go to The Mall, but I didn't want to bump into him. I mean, who knows he'd be there. I played safe!!


Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Initially I was supposed to hang out with Carl Mann and J. But God knows why she didn't tell me that Say Loong is coming along! I wanted to tag along, then in the end, I decided to let them to be alone (:

J is so funny till I laughed like crazy.

I shall quote him!

"I used to think that GIS is the only school on earth."

You know, this really made me laugh like crap. I didn't know what to say, because, I mean...schools are everywhere!

"I can cook you know."

I am so shocked because, he's a guy! And he can cook!

"My boyfriend is Lee Hom."

After an hour or so...

"Rain is also my boyfriend."

So, I don't know whether he's straight...or crooked =/

Okay, kidding. He's joking around. He's super lame ._. Me like talki to lame people.

"I am scared of the scenes in a horror movie. If I watch it, I'll scream like crazy. I once said "OH MY GOD!" out loud in a cinema and my friend screamed too because I screamed."

Obviously, he's a chicken.

In my point of view, of course.


I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
Anyway, today is our last day before the mid-semester break! I'm so happy, because I'll get to eat and sleep all week long. But before all that, I've to complete:

Malay composition with the title "Bandar raya idamanku pada tahun 2020"

"The Pearl" summary from Chapter 3-6.

Add Maths project ):

Maths paper

Biology corrections

Chemistry exercise

Physics paper

Sejarah Chapter 3 mind map

Morale project (8 essays and 16 photos)

I spell that as D-E-A-D. I wonder why do they give us homework anyway. Homework are pointless! We'll still forget what we had done sooner or later.
Oh, that's for me, again. I've short term memory loss (;


Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You

In a blink of an eye, it'll already be November.
I'm afraid to move on.
I don't want to leave.
I want to let it be this way.
I've so many things to tell you.
But I don't dare to open my mouth to even give you my morning greetings.
Sometimes I wish I'm a guy, so I'll get to talk to you.
Sometimes I wish I don't exist, because I caused too much pain for myself.
Gosh.
My emo-ness.


Forever 21 is on sale! But too bad J was with me all the while when I was in Pavilion, so I didn't really get to shop (you know, guys don't like waiting boo) and I was in my uniform. I shall wait till I can shop alone then I'll go and buy whatever I like. With a limit, of course. Thinking of my things, I am now thinking of selling things that I don't really wear or want it. I have so many clothings that I don't wear at all. There's so many...um...I've-not-touched-it-before clothes. I'll of course sell it at a discounted price, so yep. It can be anything, so let's see.

I feel like baking again.
Damn.

Anyway, goodbye (:

Labels: Depression, Exams, Friends, Rants, School, Thoughts

i know it is indeed rare for me to blog during the weekdays when school's still on everyday from monday to friday, piling our homework up to the ceiling.
but i just feel like blogging.
i've so much to pour out, but i don't dare.
i used to be daring enough to pour my feelings (escpecially my rant) out easily. but now, i've to think at least 10 times whether to pour it out into my blog.
because people betray the trust i gave them until i don't even dare to tell them how i feel about something. i gave them warning about it, and they still want to read it without me forcing them, and then bitch talk about it. it gets on my nerves, you know?


i think i know how you feel. obviously most probably i won't know how you feel because, i'm not you. i might not be right, but its just a thought. &i think its a feeling of confusion, love, care, and many other types of emotions. wanting them to know and not know how you feel sincerely about them, hurts. at the same time, you want them to feel the same way how you are feeling for them. when you realize that its probably not going to happen, you'll feel like breaking down even more. be strong. don't let your tears run down your cheeks. save it for something else. obviously you can't help it but to cry your pain out, so, try as hard as possible to hold it back.

(i know we're not close, but, as a friend, i should do something. even if i fail to, i'll still try. i'm sorry if it's not as what's going on to you right now.)


Have some alcohol, to forget your pain.
Not.
anyway, i shall leave blogger.com and go back to microsoft office to finish up my malay oral script and add maths distribution table.

goodnight, people (:

Labels: Depression, Rants, Thoughts

i don't get it.
why must we pay more than a hundred bucks for SPM? its not like we want to take it.
just because we're in a private school, that doesn't mean we should pay for it. dang.
we're still studying the malaysian syllabus. which includes EST, and Moral.
isn't that enough?
first of all, we don't even need EST or Moral in the future.
waste of time.



i'm feeling rather down too. but i shall cheer myself up with ferrero rocher! fattening, i know, but, still yummy. or my freshly baked caramel pudding.

don't talk bad about my bakeries. i can bake okay! (:
just kidding. you have not tried my bakeries anyway.
i just want my dad to enjoy it.
and he actually does (:
i am going to try to cook soon! (:

i just realized something. if i am not in the mood for anything and i still want to bake, the whole thing will suit the rubbish bin. i have prove. i baked 2 weeks ago, and the whole thing turned out to be...terrible, worst than my first time.




but i am afraid if my first dish will be black! or too sweet, or too salty.
should i try cooking?
hmm =/

i should!
no harm, right?



i shall shoo now. goodnight people (:

Labels: Random, Rants, Thoughts

ballentine's a type of whisky (:
no, i don't drink whisky.



i think it's weird that i've the urge to blog today. normally i'll feel lazy, or thinking that playing delicious 2 is a better way to rot my time away. actually, i do have a reason why to blog. talking about thoughts ):



i really, don't know how people can be so irresponsible. i lent her my cheongsam since november last year because i sympathised her and didn't want her to get in trouble, and now, she gave me a long granny story. this sucks in a way, and i can't do anything! guess what happens whenever she sees me or passes 5C? she runs away! this is getting on my nerves. she didn't dare to tell me the reason why she can't return my cheongsam back to me for more than a month, until today - this morning. i was so mad, that i couldn't even utter a word out! this is what i get, after my dad spent more than a hundred bucks buying that cheongsam for me, and me, just because i didn't want her to get in trouble, and helped her by lending her my cheongsam. and we aren't close at all. we just know that we exist in wesley methodist school. we did not even have a proper conversation too. we don't even say hi!

gosh.
irresponsible, no? it's not even hers!



have you all started studying for the first term yet? i've not started! at all. when i did the physics test today, i realized that 50% playing 50% paying attention is not good enough. i think i'll fail physics because i forgot to revise for physics test today. and i didn't have a clue on what mr chin was saying about waves (but i am pretty sure that he was talkin' about transerve waves and longitudinal waves) during physics lessons anyway. no, i'm not that smart (: my progress sheet says it all. thinking about the first term freaks me out. i think i'll have more red marks than before. but! i shall think positively. yes yes yes?

anyway, is any of you taking the IELTS or TOEFL exam? i'm seriously blur right now =/



i've a feeling that most of us are feeling emoish nowadays. so many things are happening to us, and i've a positive feeling about this. things will be fine. and all you need to give in is time. (yes, tick-tock-tick-tock) give in time, and don't think that it's the end of the world. you have a lot of things to do, and never think to give up. hold on, and never let your hope go, unless it is really a dead hope.

and this is for you guys who are emoing away. just to let you guys know...no matter how not-close we are (xiaoyun!),



i like playing wii!
i can finally play cooking mama on wii! (: how cool is that!? i've been waiting to play cooking mama.
now i've finally said that chocolates are fattening =/ and i really love it. i'm making myself troublesome now. gosh. i used to eat lots of chocolates, especially dark ones. Lindt is yummy. oh-kay, i said chocolates are fattening and i'm still talking about chocolates.
mama! (see, i told you i like playing cooking mama on wii)


torn between two perfect person is the worse thing can happen. it hurts a lot. it needs a lot to courage to dare to say, dare to ask, dare to declare that you do.



oh you know, i actually answered a few of madam premila's questions correctly! (:

but that doesn't mean i study. hah.

i'm proud of my short-term memory yo! and i'm not embarrassed to admit that i love my short-term memory.

yes, you got it right in your head. what a lie. no one likes short-term memory. but sometimes...short-term memory is good. you get to forget some stuffs. if you're lucky, you will get to forget some sad stuffs. like i did. i get to forget one or two, and eventually i'll remember it later. shucks. hmm =/



oh.

happy valentine's day!

Labels: Depression, greetings, Random, Rants, School

you know, i actually miss last year. not the bad ones, of course.

i miss those times when i had ballet every wednesday, saturday and sunday. i miss those times when i had to go on a diet (for a few days, because i can't let go of my 4-5 times a day habit), because miss hiew was nitpicking my fats &tummy. i miss those times when i get to procrastinate whole year long, and in the end failing my exam. oh-kay, i don't miss failing my papers, but, i miss procrastinating! now, even if i procrastinate for 5 mere minutes, i won't have time doing my homework and essential stuffs anymore, and i'll have to take a long time to catch up. ok fine i was exaggerating, but still!

i learnt a lot of things last year. i learnt how to bake, everything. i can still remember my first time baking several weeks ago. it was edible, but too sweet =/ now, this chinese new year, i mean, i'll bake cupcakes with chocolate chips just because my kawan baik (find out who, because she knows who she is! and, o its not a guy. and i'm not a lesbian either.) likes chocolate chips. talking about baking, i miss jasmine because she was here when i baked for the second time.

so anyway,

when i was telling carl mann in school that i am baking cheesecake for my parents' wedding anniversary,

quote zhengern, "whats your problem with baking now? everyday bake bake bake only."

i lol-ed, because i was telling carl mann about it, and zhengern suddenly *poof*.



initially i wanted to blog about last night at overseas restaurant, menara pgrm. so yep. i shall start bragging about it now.

i reached home from school at about 4 something, as usual, and i started getting ready. and i only got completely ready at about 6, which got myself into trouble, because my dad wanted to leave at 5.30pm, when i was half-ready.

while waiting for my mum and other guests to arrive, my dad, brother and i talked about issues. after for awhile, my mum reached with my uncle and grandfather.

and my mum saw the cheesecake on the table and she said, "aren't you suppose to take that out later?" which i also agreed. my dad said to take it out from the box (you know, my dad put the cake into a taiwan pon kan mandarin oranges box, and people actually thought i bought the cake from taiwan ._.), and put candles on it too.

since my mum asked me to take a photo of the cake, so i took it. or else i won't bother taking a picture of it.



yes, this is the cake. i've not taken a picture of the filling yet though. it's edible, and my uncles love it, especially my dad (:

then when everyone including leon (yes, my dad called leon, mind you. i was in the state of shock days ago when he asked me to call leon along) has arrived, we started eating.

there's a few situations that i want to share with you.

young grandaunt: who's that?
yuen may: friend!
young grandaunt: who's friend?
yuen may: er...
my brother: hehehehe i told you jie, that people will ask! my sister's boyfriend!
yuen may: yeah, friend! my brother's friend, my friend too.
young grandaunt: boyfriend is it?
yuen may: y...no!
young grandaunt: don't lie lah.

most of the conversation was conversed in cantonese, so i was lost of words, since i'm not good in cantonese. if it was in mandarin, i would have spoken to her with sarcasm. wait, what sarcasm statements i could tell her anyway =/ my mandarin is not even upsr qualified.

other than that,

young grandaunt: you know who's that or not?
old grandaunt: yeah, may's friend.
young grandaunt: oh like that lah may, you told her, but you didn't tell me.
yuen may: *giggles*

the way my young grandaunt got 'jealous' is so funny.

after dinner and et cetera, my dad sent leon back home. the end.

by that time i reached home, it was almost 12am already. and hence that's the reason why i didn't go to school today. actually i could go, but, i was too lazy to get my bum out from the bed. i just love my bed - just like how everyone else loves their bed.



oh Jesus,
i actually didn't go to school also because i haven't finish my a week old add maths homework. i am just so sick of sitting in front of madam sarah when she's teaching chapter 9 right now. i've given up hope in add maths. i can't do it anymore. i can do form 4 chapters, but i can't do form 5's, especially the one she recently taught. i miss madam leong so much. i miss the way she taught timothy, cheeyan, waikeong, meelian and i last year. i miss her homework ): i am not saying madam sarah's not good, but i am not used to it. madam leong and madam sarah are completely opposites. i've a feeling that i won't do well for my add maths this term. o i didn't say i am good at it either. i am never good in academics, even when i try like a monkey eating banana. i know monkey can eat banana professionally, but, i still prefer using monkeys as an example. i shall move on, and work harder. and complain less. i think i complain too much too.
i think i'm done.




to be frank, i started typing this post out at 1840, but due to some reasons, i couldn't post it as early as i could. and now is currently 0100.

my first reason is, i was busy working on my new blogskin, where i have to merge a few likings into one. my other reason is, i went to the playground to chit chat and take my biology notebook from liling.

and now i am finally done with my new blogskin! i merged a few blogskins into one. i think i like this now. let's see how long i can last on with this blogskin. i keep on saying i like my blogskin, and i've changed it for don't know how many donkey times. it's pink, and grey, because its soft (: j-wen on blogskins.com is my inspiration!

now you know i like soft colors! (:



yes, i'm too blessed to be stress. isn't it true enough? i'm stressed over studies at school, and i'd bring the stress back home.

thank goodness that tomorrow's the official holidays for wms (:

i know carl mann is :@ at me, because i'm not going to school for one whole upcoming week. eh carl mann, you know, what if suddenly i felt like going to school? then i will be there, alright? bahaha.

i know jing xuan and carl mann are hardworking, damn.

now, i don't have the mood to even touch my homework. let's see whether i'll get screwed up when school reopens.


i actually thought that zac efron is the detective conan, until carl mann told me just now, at about 5 something, when she onlined. no-oh, it's not my fault, because i read her blog when she blogged about conan and zac efron together.

anyway, it's time for chinese new year, again. this will go on forever and ever. and i'm going to dao-rae for the family reunion dinner. i love dao-rae! my cousin loves dao-rae too, since she loves korean.



i shall stop blogging for now, and i will post next time when i feel like it (:

cheerios.

Labels: Friends, Rants, Reminiscence, Thoughts, Traveling And Events

i wanted to blog somewhere around this week, but, i keep on putting them into drafts and i will end up not continuing the post.



i have to admit that i got a short term memory everytime. i can't seem to remember things, including important ones.

school is becoming more stressful than usual, and we're all getting busier. maybe it's because of the spm coming up very soon. i don't wanna get old too!

when you're older, you can't do much things anymore - giggling like small kids, etc. o-kay, now i'm missing my kindergarten times, when i get to sleep more! and no homework! ):

i think that carl mann is becoming more crappy. she craps more than usual now, and she always disturb me when lessons are on. she'll dance and make me laugh during important lessons! when the lesson is more boring than usual, she'll crap even more.

now i know why people thinks that i'm crazy =/ because i have the most fun friends by my side! and i am grateful for that! without them, i should be crying out of boredom.

i don't know what to blog about =/



warning: heavy rant (or should i say emo post?) ahead.

i freak out everytime whenever i think that spm is approximately 10 months away. i can't stop thinking that i might fail my spm. is it the paranoia again? i seem to have this kind of feeling everytime exam is approaching. this feeling started since...form 3. i am also afraid that i will not do alright for my term 1 exam too.

i am scared if i will cry everyday like i did during form 3, thinking how stupid i am, failing papers, or wait - i didn't fail any of my core form 3 papers. i only got b's and c's, and i wasn't satisfied. although i improved in my pmr trials, i wasn't satisfied too. at that time, i got more b's than c's, so i was...relieved. not that fully relieved, but, i was hoping for more. i admit that i didn't really study at all so i didn't really feel anything about it. form 3 was the only year i studied throughout my whole lower secondary life.

o i didn't study for my term exams during form 1 and form 2. i can still remember that jane and i bet on our results - the one who get higher than the other will have to pay for a starbuck drink. in the end we both didn't have to spend any because we were draw. if i am not mistaken, we took 11 papers at that time, and, a paper was a draw. if i am not mistaken, it was malay. yes, of all papers.

last term i didn't really do well for my science papers, but i am satisfied with it because i tried my best. i could have passed chemistry if i wrote the graph title for my paper 3, and didn't mistake voltaic cell as electrolytic cell, and electrolytic cell as voltaic cell. that was my mistake! i shall pretend that i wasn't in the luck during the exam.



...i had more to say but after halfway blogging, i forgot what i wanted to say about it. talking about more distractions. o i am easily distracted, and that is one reason why i can't do my work perfectly.

is it me or the paranoia?


diamonds are a girl's best friend (:

i've officially stopped ballet by the way. no matter how much it hurts me inside because i can't continue ballet anymore, i'll wait till the day i can step into the studio again. my dad promised me to go for ballet again after spm so i will wait for months. i know i have a...high tolerance. yes yes. i do i do.

by the time when i can step into the studio, i should be unflexible again by then. it took me months to split unperfectly but i still can! only on my right. i can't split on my left.



o-kay, i lost my mood to blog now =/ goodnight people! (:

p/s: the rant was typed out a week ago.

Labels: Miscellaneous, Rants, Thoughts

Exams are gone forever.
It's my last FTE. For life.
I mean yes, this is my second last year in school, and I'll not have any FTEs, post exams, anything, anymore. After this year. Gosh.
Isn't it sad?


If you ask me how much I like him,
I'll say,
as much as raindrops.

I know I'm failing ICT, Moral, and subjects like that. I couldn't do ICT! At all.

Reow.
I wish you know how I feel, and appreciate me as much as I appreciate you. Although it's a not-going-to-come-true wish, I'm still holding on to you. I really don't know why it's you out of all people. It hurts so badly and yet I still hold on to you.


An actor is feelingless. I am that actor I'm talking about. Because of the feelings I have for you, I began to lost myself, for real.

Labels: Depression, Rants, School

WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD.

I'm feeling down nowadays.
My instinct is telling me that something bad is coming up.
Maybe it's the exams.
Oh well.


Do you know that you're that addictive?

Su Ann is going to migrate to Melbourne for good. Yes, that means no more ballet buddy for the rest of my life. I won't be seeing her for ballet (not forgetting school too) after the exam anymore. Why is this bringing me down so badly? Is it because of the bond we built? I can say I am quite close to her. Well, not that close.

Jasmine Tan, if you're seeing this, I want to tell you that we're not going to travel so far for our exams! Say "I LOVE YOU" to Miss Fish who agreed to come to Cheras to examine the 5 of us on the 24th of October. You'll be the first with Jia Xin who'll enter the exam room first! Good luck to you and Jia Xin! =D
And after that, of course it'll be Ge Li, Su Ann and I.
Damn, that's scary.
After the exams, after December, I won't be stepping into the ballet studio with bun tied up neatly, navy spaghetti-leotard, tights and navy belt that teacher wants us to wear it everytime anymore. I'm going to miss you guys, and I hope we'll not lost in contact.

Nowadays, it's hard to keep in touch, no? Frankly, I've forgotten half of my previous schoolmates now. Not to deny that I've short term memory.


Why is this so hard?

I've not completed my holidays homework.
Waiting to die.
Waiting to get murdered by the principal.


What for, when they don't even look at you? (U)

I'm trying to go on a hiatus so hard but I eventually fail to.

I don't know what I want to do or I'm doing, really.


Commentless.
About everything.

Time flies.
A week ago, I was feeling so relieved because I get to rest and now, I'm under higher pressure because exams is coming up in less than a week. Oh, that's for EST and Civics, if I am not mistaken.
I'm getting lazier in going back to school. I don't want to face stress anymore. I'm not sick of it, but, I'm feeling as if I'm dying soon.
I don't think I can make it through Form 4, so, if I really do leave, goodbye.
I just...don't want to leave, that's why. I took so long to get used to WMS, and if I leave now, wouldn't it be a waste? And, I've finally found friends here, and I don't want to leave them that early. I'll miss them, more than I missed my previous school friends. I'll miss them more because they helped me a lot in getting used to this place. I really don't know what I'm thinking either.
And, I'm not ready, yet.


Dammit.
It's time to move on.

Labels: Ballet, Complains, Dear Diary, Depression, Rants

So, Jasmine got disgusted with what she read.
In fact, everyone is disgusted, including me.

Sometimes, I wonder how people can pretend as if nothing has happened before and claim it to be the current issue all this while. Pathetic, isn't it?

It's my first time to feel so thrilled and disgusted while reading the second line of the first post. I swear I didn't feel like that before in my whole 3 years being in blogosphere. I always have good impressions on anyone's blog until I reach his.

He would never appreciate how we once felt for each other perhaps; which he claimed that I'll be his "only one forever" at that time. He has many "I love you forever" people I think. Gosh people like him nowadays doesn't know how to use words and mean it.

I can still remember what I emailed him last year, when I couldn't take in any rumors about me flying all over in St Paul's Institution anymore. He even had the guts to say that I'm the reason why he dropped to Basillian from Anselm. I was like, "For Jesus' sake, it's not my fault."

And great, the girl he is with now is someone who hates me like crap, until she has to do something extreme on her Friendster. Yep, several of my friends know what happened.

One thing until now, I don't even know why I accepted him out of all people at that moment.

To be honest to you, I've never really liked you anyway. Ever heard of puppy love, when kids aren't sure of what is love? No? Aw, too bad. When I said I don't love you, *wham* you decided to break it off. I didn't even cry, because I know you aren't the one I wanted. I don't know why I went back to you too. Maybe it was because of Fiona. I don't know, really. I shall bury you somewhere, where I don't need to even think of what has happened in the past. Worst, with you in it. All I know is that, my dad has made the right choice. Right, people?

Labels: Rants, Thoughts

You don't know how I feel. You don't know what happened, and yet you think you do.
Whatever statement I poured out to her, it's not even about you.
When I needed someone at the beginning, you weren't there.
So who am I to go to?
I do admit that you do, but, *full stop*.
I'm not going to continue.
I'm not putting any mask on, anymore.

Labels: Rants