Dear diary,

Maybe some things aren't meant to be. Maybe some things are meant to be for a certain duration. Maybe some things are meant to be that way. Maybe some things really will have the same ending. Maybe, I'm wrong.

I've so many things to say, &yet nothing is out from my mouth. I daren't say anything because I know when I spill them out, on blogs, on Facebook notes, to anyone, it might start a drama right before SPM. I'm really scared of dramas. Dramas are scary, yes?

SPM is about 40+ days away, &I still don't have the ooooohm! to study. I really don't know what am I up to. I want to runaway from school. I want to runaway from books. I want to runaway from my own thoughts. I want to runaway from everything I have. I want to dump all of them for a moment, &take a break. Somehow, I don't know how.

Being unwell, isn't that good afterall. Some people may think that being unwell will be good. Pros &cons. Being normal for 17 years isn't that good anyway. When something comes up, it's creepy. You'll feel like ending it as soon as possible. Sometimes, you don't even want to receive treatment. You don't want to live, especially if you are under pressure, or you're troubled.

School is tomorrow &guess what, I've not started any homework. I look so prepared to get screwed up by teachers, especially Miss Teng since I was absent from her classes last week. I wanted to go, but I really didn't have that energy to get up from my bed. I was coughing like crap, &dang, it was dreadful.

I texted Madam Hema, telling her that I was unable to do her work. I planned to do it last week, so, I guess epic failed. I fell sick at the wrong time. Yikes. I think I should try doing Miss Teng's work tonight, so I can get away from her freaky voice tone.

All in all, I guess I am just tired, &bored at the same time.

I told my dad I want to study in New Zealand next year, &he doesn't really like the idea from the time I brought this up. [He didn't mind at first because he thought it's for some twinning programme until I told him for pre-university studies.] I really want to go there because I want to have a fresh start in life, &maybe, I can forget whatever has happened in the past that affected me so much. Don't get me wrong, I do love my dad. I will miss him a lot even if I leave at anytime. But still, if I don't do well for my SPM, I can do well for my pre-university studies. That's all I want. Maybe it's because I think I'll not do well for SPM already. Isn't it obvious, from the results? I'm not complaining. The thing is, I care &don't care at the same time. Like I said, I don't know what matters to me. I really don't.

Liling, on the other hand, tried to wake me up the other day when I expressed. She got so upset over it. [I'm sorry, Liling.] The thing is, I am aware of what is wrong with me. I'm not aware of what I'm doing. Wait, it's getting more senseless. I should get back to the right track in life, but, I'm lost. I don't know where am I. I feel like I'm lack of energy to do anything right now. I am trying to put something up, to get me working. I just don't know what to put up. Putting myself up isn't making any difference. I mean, why do I need to get something for myself? I just want to earn enough money to support myself, with some extras to give my dad in future. I don't need to earn RM1xx, xxx in order to live. I just want something that's enough. My dad is putting all his hope on me. Maybe that's why I'm still studying.

&after typing this post out on blogger.com for 45 minutes, I'm still blur.

Maybe this blurness in me can be seen through dance.

If there's anything can be done, I'll be happy.

Labels: Dear Diary

Since class ended faster than usual today, I decided to try out their computer. It's not that bad anyway.

I wanted to blog but then I have nothing to say.

But oh I will blog about Sports Day and my some other rant later. Soon (:

Labels: Dear Diary

My first ever CF Camp is something I'll never forget in my whole entire life.

No photos were taken during the camp though. I was too lazy to use my phone to take any photos. I was too upset to do anything.

I would like to thank Chris all over again, who accompanied me throughout the whole camp. Guess he knew that I'd be lonely without my friends. Coincidentally I was upset during the camp, so it didn't bother me that much. Anyhow, I still appreciate what he did. The thoughts he had for me. He left his bunch of friends to accompany me.
Just somehow, but I don't know how, I became his 'guardian angel' for some game prepared by the committee. It is just fate.
That's why I didn't really care about him during the game. I still did ok! And he made me looked so stingy when they asked everyone to reveal themselves as the person's guardian angel. I gave him so many things. Well, as for the so called 2 free drinks, I actually asked Tim to pass 1 to him, not 2. I don't know how the other one reached him though. I didn't buy stuffs as gifts for my mortal from that place because of the price! It's out of my budget, although I can afford it. I mean, I wouldn't want to pay RM2 for a HotCup, or RM4 for a Cornetto. I know, it's thoughts that counts. But, I had to save my money. I gave him seaweeds, mentos, lolipop, a note, and 1 free drink altogether.
He was there listening to the voice of my heart, even it bores him, or things like that. He didn't stop asking me whether I'm alright. He never stopped trying to cheer me up.

I would also like to thank Xiaoyun, Eli, Tammy and Hannah for giving me hugs and encouragement when I broke down at that particular time. I know I made myself look like I'm craving for attention. But seriously, I'm not, okay? Just that...things happened at the wrong time. I wanted to enjoy my camp without any pain, but...yeah, things happened. Now I'm alright. Super alright. Thanks a lot (:

Anyway, the food was better than I expected. I thought it'll be some...edible but yucky food. Who knows, the food were alright. I liked their chicken curry. I don't like their breakfast, because they don't provide cold drinks ): I must have cold drinks at all time, or else I won't drink at all. I mean it. They prepared hot tea in the morning, which...stopped me from drinking it. But oh wait, I think I drank it, after putting the cup on that dining table for minutes.

Oh, Jocelyn's birthday was on the 2nd day of the camp too! The dorm people asked me to act as if I-don't-know-that-it's-her-birthday-today, even when I asked her when's her birthday the night before her birthday. So in the end, I did what they asked for. Poor Jocelyn thought no one remembered her birthday. She didn't know that the dorm people have prepared a birthday surprise during praise and worship for her. Cool eh?

Heh.

There're more than that, actually. I shall keep it somewhere behind my brain (:


Today.

I went to Mid Valley with Li Ling, Corliss, Shukim, Brian, Choon, Joey and the other 2 Australians.

I walked until I wanted to drop dead in Mid Valley. I'm serious. Thank goodness I didn't wear my heels today, or else, I'll be massaging my own feet right now.

I didn't watch The Fast and Furious 4 in the end though. Just because they stamped (18+), I don't want to get stopped by the people working there anymore. I don't like it when someone asks me to verify myself that I'm 18, or show documents to show who I am. I wouldn't want to show you my IC, revealing myself to you, when I don't even know you - at all.

Wait till I'm 18, then I will "CALL YOUR MANAGER, OUT NOW!!". Kidding. I don't know why I've to look younger than my age ):



It's not a good thing after all.

Ah.



Oh yes, I bought the tees I've hunted for all the while. Thank God they have my size in F.O.S. Like...FINALLY! (:

My Little Miss tees. Actually, I found many of them in some Singapore department store, but I don't know why I didn't buy them there though. There were plenty of them, I swear.

Oh oh oh, I got "Little Miss Fickle", "Little Miss Laughter", and "My Boyfriend is Mr Perfect".

Thanks Corliss, for treating me RM2 (: at Sushi King.

Labels: Camp, Dear Diary, Shopping, Thoughts

I would like to thank all the CF Camp people for not making me feel left out and lonely during the whole camp. When I broke down, they were there. XYun, Hannah, Jamie, Chris, Eli, my dorm people. And Miss Goh.

No lengthy post about CF Camp and me breaking down this time.

I texted my best friend when I broke down. She felt so hopeless that she cried with me, although we weren't sitting next to each other. I love my best friend. If you dare hurt her, I'll stab you.
They say a true friend will never leave you, no matter what. She loves me too.



Will blog about the whole CF Camp next time. No pictures though.

Labels: Dear Diary

damn jon's elbow.
seriously.
i'm positive that his elbow made my jaws hurt.
i can't even talk, laugh, OR EVEN EAT PROPERLY.
it hurts.
well, he hit somewhere around my face, and probably he hit one of the nerves that is connected to the jaws, and there you go - goodbye my painless jaws.
let's hope my jaws will get better soon.

Labels: Complains, Dear Diary, in pain, jaws

i don't know what to say, really. i have a lot to say, but, i'm stuck halfway. but anyway, they're 99% of my thoughts and complains. i don't want to break any friendships, or anything by letting them out this time.
i feel like breaking down, whoosh. but me strong (: so me will shuttup.
so anyway, this new year is like the busiest new year ever! i've not been out of house for about 16 hours from 8am to almost 1am in my whole almost-17-years-in-life. gah, you do the math.

i feel like sleeping now, *yawns*

oh, i'm not going to school this thursday and friday. i'm too tired, and lazy to go to school. miahahaha. i've not done any of my add math homework too. speaking of which, i deserve to receive red marks in my first term progress sheet report. dying?

maybe.

p/s: do you know that little girl holding peaches on ikano power advertisment in the star, or somewhere near bandar utama ad boards? or in ikano power, or ikea or somewhere around there? that little girl is my cousin - ameline toh yun qian.

Labels: Dear Diary

guess what?

i didn't do my add maths homework.



i didn't do any of my sejarah work either.

nope, i am not ready to get scolded by any of my teachers too.



i don't know why i am still blogging, when i am supposed to be away studying or something like that. i am just procrastinating, as usual.

on top of that, i am feeling rather depressed nowadays. o not forgetting guilty too. heck, i wonder why i keep on making mistakes.

hmm =/

Labels: Dear Diary

everyone has posted their new year's resolutions except me. i posted one last year (as in for 2008) and i've not post my 2009's. here i am to type my late new year's resolution!

1. not to procrastinate
2. help my brother in his studies
3. study well
4. bake a cheesecake for mum and dad's anniversary which is about in a few days' time
5. love my family more
6. change myself
7. not to neglect God as much as usual
8. love my friends more
9. not to complain too much about school *smacks self*
10. not to live in denial
11. go for a party
12. to celebrate my birthday with my friends
13. to have someone like Edward Cullen
14. bake cupcakes with Jasmine and Jane
15. have Jasmine and Jane to sleepover
16. have more money!
17. understand and love myself better

i just don't understand myself ._. who does?



seriously, i need a life now. but i don't know where to find it. i am getting more lazy as time passes by and i am neglecting my books away when spm is coming so soon.

high school is coming to its end this year. and college will come up next. sometimes i just want to stay in kindergarten and not move on.

talking about kindergarten...i can remember those girls. there's this girl...let us know her as A (i can't remember her name at all). A liked bullying me, although i've never did anything to her. i've never tried to fix things back like now, so, who cares, right? then someday, i was playing around the 'playground' and i was running. but who knows i knocked into her and she fell. and the best part was, i didn't even know that i knocked her down. and now, i thought to myself, "is that the return of her bullying me so much?" sometimes, i still think of it whether did i knock her down because i didn't feel anything. how mean i was.

and when i was going to kindergarten, i had this neighbour who played with me everyday without fail. hm, we were kids, o-kay? i used to call her as my best friend. i miss her a lot, but recently when i pass my previous house, her house has a lot of long grasses, and obviously she has moved out. but i don't know where she is now. i can never forget her name - Ngam Mei San.

o there's another girl. we were close to each other, and if i am not mistaken, she's a year younger than me. because she was smarter than the others, she gets to skip a class. i can't remember her name but i still remember her surname - Ho. we got drifted away because i beat her. o she got her dad to settle it too lol. and that beating was like a playing one but she took it seriously so, goodbye to that friendship.



sometimes, i wished i have come to wms since form 1. i couldn't go because of some problems. not some. it was a problem. if you've been wondering why was i desperate to come to wms, it wasn't actually me. my first choice was aism, but my dad said, "why do you want to spend so much for this school? save some money for your college and university." and my second choice was sri cempaka. i got in, and my dad has paid off the first semester fees. but who knows sri cempaka is crazy and called saying "hello sir, our fees have increased and we need you to pay off the remaining half." after some arguments, that lady said, "okay, you pay *inserts number*, can ah?" my dad didn't like that because sri cempaka doesn't have policies. thats what my dad said, so, i couldn't go anymore. then i requested sayfol and fairview. my dad then said, "try emailing them and ask what is their passing rate." i emailed, and the email was failed to be send. gosh, then my dad said, "it's not a good school then."

i was so ._. seriously.

then my dad remembered about wms. i thought i couldn't come to kl anymore, but who knows my dad remembered about wms! then he applied for me and my brother. i got in while my brother couldn't get in.

anyway, yeah i know i complained way too much when i first stepped into wms. i just couldn't move on in life. slowly, i blended in, and yeah here i am. it was hard, but i got through it.

this year, we have shukim from terengganu. and i think she's facing a harder time than i did. i hope she can make it though. it takes a lot of time to blend into the school. sometimes i do think why can't i feel contented at that time. but isn't it too late?

i believe in hope.


sometimes you'll think, why can't you be as happy as this kid?

this wednesday will be my mum and dad's wedding anniversary. and i have to bake 5kg of cake with icing for them ._. thats what my dad said. but i am not going to bake 5kg of cake of course. do you have an idea about how big is 5kg? it's super big! my cake when i was celebrating my 15th birthday was super huge and it was only 2kg? my dad wants me to bake 5kg? gosh!

madam stanley got a cupcake from me and she couldn't believe that my baking experience at that time was 2 weeks old. lol! and madam selva likes my cheese cupcake (: i know it's not sweet of course because my dad doesn't like sweet ones.

carl mann likes chocolate chips but i haven't bake one with chocolate chips for her yet. o carl mann, wait till you come over to li ling's house then i will do one for you. i bought the chocolate chips already but i haven't bake it, yet.

that day in school, when i brought chocolate banana cupcake to school...when they were eating them, zhuo wei sniffed and said, "this smells good." i was laughing because i've not seen anyone sniffing. but my mistake was i didn't put in bananas. my bad. i put in a teaspoon of banana essence and yeah they had the smell, no taste ._.



i think i better get going, because i am going back to seremban later. and i have not finished my homework. looks like i am going to get killed on monday =/

okay, now i remember, i will be tad busy on monday finishing my friday's homework and on top of that, i must bake on monday! for my mum and dad.

that spells D-I-E, no?

Labels: Dear Diary, Reminiscence, School, Thoughts

jasmine came over yesterday to sleep over for 2 nights! (: she could come for food so, yep! im happy!

we went to concorde hotel for high tea and meet leon up there. food choices at concorde are decreasing =/ saddening much. then after high tea at concorde, we onlined at home for hours, then we had dinner. then later at night, we went to times square to yum cha at dome with my mum D: i ate chicken pie there and my dad went o.o i thought we just had dinner? i can eat!

then we watched transformer! oh yes, i've not watched transformer until yesterday. because i thought transformer is not a nice movie. my bad. oh, i tried watching bolt yesterday in the afternoon after high tea, but the disc couldn't run! bummer. and, in the end jasmine and i ended up watching wild child.

this morning, jasmine and i baked cupcakes! (my second time!) omg, i just love cupcakes! aha. this time, the cupcakes aren't under baked nor over baked! it's just right. but they look weird though. just for the first batter. why, you asked? i forgot to take out the butter when i intended to heat it in the microwave oven for seconds because its hard. in the end, it became liquid. and the batter became watery too. my carelessness. but its alright though. i ate it ok! it's edible! i am not dead, yet.

as for the frosting, i did it this time! and its pink too! but jasmine and i have no idea to decorate it perfectly, so, its a bit weird too. but i used the sprinkles, chocolate rice and white chocolate rice to cover them (: so yep, its all alright now. but the frosting is sweet =/

so anyhoooo.

jasmine: the way you type is interesting. got sound o.o

number 2.

jasmine: your name is yam?
may: its terbalik darling.
jasmine: *LOL*

that just happened a minute ago. yes, jasmine has interesting thoughts. she bullies me! but i love her though (:

i better get off and do better things now (:

Labels: Dear Diary, Miscellaneous, Random, Thoughts

yes, its my first time baking today! oh, although its not perfect, it's still edible alright! (: my cousin came over to help me too. since she's interested in cooking and all.

we did it twice. the first time was...under baked, and the second time, was over baked and i beat the batter too much. the first one was more to like my cousin's hardwork and the second is mine. hmm. its still edible, so i am happy! today's cup cakes are my first attempt in baking!

gah.

but, i still don't know how to do the icing. damn.

i must try to do it some other time.

Labels: Dear Diary

i went out with ethel today.

yes, for twilight, and a girls day out. i went there late so i went to the times bookstore to wait for ethel. ethel arrived early but her dad brought her to the office because i was going to arrive late.

then, when she reached, we went to buy tickets! (yes my honey twilight wth)

after buying those tickets, we took our time walking all the way to lot 10 for the monorail to times square. after buying what she wanted to buy, we went back to pavilion. yes, by mororail, then by feet.

we went to carls jr again! yes, i love carls jr. but i didn't eat. in fact, i've not been eating nowadays. so i ate those baked fries. yum. after that, we walked to forever 21 analyzing clothes, and then since it was time, we went to gsc for my twilight! hall 13, and she called it as a bad luck hall, because it's 13. and guess what, she went to the gents. i mean, yes! gents. i was like "ahhhh. i'm not going."

we burst out laughing because there was this couple saying sorry and it hit our leg. in fact, we hit someone's leg too when he were to go in for twilight. 2 hours was fast. i don't think that it was even 2 hours. merely 1.5 hours. gah. i can't wait for new moon now. its coming out in 2010. its confirmed. hah. i want to watch breaking dawn. i don't want to watch the middle part of the twilight saga. gah.

the movie...sigh. disappointed. i am really disappointed. they skipped so many parts! darn. i wish they put all in anyway. sigh. carl mann, i'll buy the dvd, and i will pinjam you the disc, ok? not worth your rm9. they cut a lot. or is the the malaysian government, as usual? damn.

then after the movie, met someone up, and i went to buy my starbucks, and ethel went to toilet, and then we went back, by train! reached home at 7. gosh, i told my dad i will be back soon, but i reached late. great.

i have no idea when i am going out again because i'm going to be in singapore this weekend. gosh, there's less than 4 weeks left for school! heck, time passes really fast. i have no idea when i am finishing. maybe i am not going to finish it anyway. hah.

guess what?

i think i better got to go eat my mamak maggi noodles.

toodles!

Labels: Dear Diary, Friends, Twilight

i went out with my cousin sister and nanny to mid valley today. ate carl's jr for the first time. i liked it a lot. kudos to my cousin sister. she told me about how great is carl's jr and paid for me too. yummy.

then we went hunting for my aunt's late birthday present. my cousin wanted to get this...chanel lipstick for my aunt. it turned out to be rm95 so i requested to change brand. my cousin refused to change what she thought of buying for my aunt. so yes, i had to give her rm30 for it. i was running out of money at that time too. i'm now semi-home alone as my dad is not home. my nanny is here but who cares about her? darn. i mean, she doesn't give me pocket money and stuff like that. normally my lunches are outside food, so i have to spend. dang.

i wanted to blog about the day today, but, now i am getting lazier.

zzz.

ETHEL says:
I expected you to respond in English, but it seems like you prefer French...

uh-huh, because i said phoni as phone. so she consider phoni as french. i'm going to see her tomorrow! yep, eating carl's jr with her tomorrow. love her to bits. she is willing to eat carl's jr with me tomorrow just because i feel like eating it! yes, i am such a pig. i love eating. especially when i'm down.



now i can finally dump eclipse. i'm going to read breaking dawn soon tomorrow. i am feeling very lazy. i haven't finish the school's holidays homework yet and i've been saying that i want to finish it by last week. gah. wait. i don't know what i'm talking! gah.

i know that i'm going to rot at home this holidays without doing anything. *yawns*



i wanna watch twilight!

Labels: Dear Diary, Thoughts

when was the last time i actually blogged? *checks date* i dont know. you know it better than i do. right? uhuh! i know i am right ;] talking about ego myself. i don't know what is happening to me. i am feeling rather weird nowadays. i've frequent moodswings nowadays i think.

wee teck tagged me again right after i did his tag a few days ago. i was like o.o i thought i just did it? so yep. there it goes:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time : 0143
Name : yuen may
Sisters : 0
Brothers : 1
Shoe size : 6
Height : i'm short. i don't even bother to know what's my height.
Where do you live : taman serdang raya. or is it taman sri serdang?
Favourite drinks : iced ocha, chilled honey lemon juice, ice lemon tea
Favourite breakfast : i don't eat breakfast.
Have you ever been on a plane : yes.
Swam in the ocean : i did. i fell into the sea during a ride on the jet ski with my friend. it was a...tragic experience.
Fallen asleep in school : i actually did! during physics, the last lesson before the exams. if you don't believe, ask azim! he was there.
Broken someones heart : obviously.
Fell off your chair : when i was little and way clumsier than i am now.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : not anymore. i used to 2 years back.
Saved e-mails : i used to.
What is your room like : i don't have a room by myself.
What's right beside you : my phone, ipod, mouse, comb, handbag.
What is the last thing you ate : maggi.
Ever had chicken pox : i doubt so
Sore throat : yes. who has yet to get sore throat in their whole life? tell me.
Stitches : nope ;]
Broken nose : nope
Do you believe in love at first sight : sadly, yes.
Like picnics : i've never gone for a picnic with anyone, so i don't know what is the feeling of picnic-ing.
Who was the last person you danced with : my ballet class friends, during ballet.
Last made you smile : him?
You last yelled at : maid ._.

TODAY DID YOU
Talk to someone you like : as a friend? yeah.
Kissed anyone : no
Get sick : no
Talked to an ex : no, i wish i could.
Miss someone : yes, but it's all useless now.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : no
What's under your bed : i'm sleeping on a mattress, which is like...right on the floor, so basically there's nothing underneath, except tiny nano sized dust that i can't see with bare eyes.
Who do you really hate : no one
What time is it now : 0151

RANDOMS
Is there a person who is on your mind right now : yep
Do you have any siblings : yep
Do you want children : too young to think of.
Do you smile often : yeah
Do you like your hand-writing : no
Are your toenails painted : yep, with white!
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : hm...his? lol. kidding eyh. i prefer my own bed.
What colour shirt are you wearing : blue.
What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday : yesterday? wait, now its like 0152...just take it as if today's the 211108, ok. hm. let me see...yesterday was thursday...i was...eating dinner. yep, i was having my dinner.
I can't wait to : watch twilight :]
When did you cry last : yesterday?
Are you a friendly person: ask my friends.
Do you have any pets : carl mann is my pet.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now : i don't know. i wish i know where he is now.
Did the last person you held hands with you mean anything to you now? : i can't remember who o.o
Do you sleep with the TV on? : easily.
What are you doing right now? : typing.
Have you ever crawled through a window? : no
Can you handle the truth? : sometimes.
Are you closer to your mother or father? : dad?
Who was the last person you cried in front of? : some woman.
How many people can you say you've really loved? : i don't know. don't want to think about it. i love many things though.
Do you eat healthy? : i wish i can eat healthy.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? : yes
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? : yep
How often do you go to church? : i used to go to church often when i was younger.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? : carl mann?
Are you loud or quiet most of the time? : loud
Are you confident? : no

THINGS YOU DID 10 YEARS AGO.
1. sleep
2. eat
3. watch tv

THINGS ON MY TO DO LIST TODAY.
1. go out with parents
2. go for ballet
3. finish school's holiday homework
4. play games

5 SNACKS I ENJOY.
1. double decker chicken crackers
2. tim tam
3. cheese nachos
4. cheese rings
5. no nut chocolate chips

5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A BILLIONAIRE
1. give some money to my dad
2. holidays
3. education
4. buy whatever i want like paris hilton
5. complete my dad's wishes

5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED IN
1. rasah
2. serdang
3. gombak
4. pandan indah
5. ashley's house in perth for 6 days

5 JOBS I HAVE HAD
1. useless student
2. my dad's pa ._.
3. -
4. -
5. -

5 PEOPLE I TAG
1. jasmine kok
2. corliss lee
3. yap carl mann
4. yen jing xuan
5. new wei jing

wee teck should be happy now, since i'm updating my blog. it has been so long since i last blogged, right? holidays are here now, and i really have nothing to do besides playing games. what games do i play? games like sims, cooking academy, first class flurry, diner dash, delicious deluxe 2. although i like these games, i just don't like cake mania. cake mania is not my type. i actually enjoyed cooking academy. i played that game till the end in less than a day! i was like so disappointed because they should have make that game longer in process to finish. i told myself that i will not play games, or online to kill time during the holidays but i don't know what am i doing now anyway. as usual. if i don't procrastinate, it wouldn't be me anymore. who doesn't procrastinate? jasmine kok. trust me she doesn't. she's like the only one whom i don't see procrastinating during the holidays. gah.

you know, i am still stuck in eclipse for 2 weeks already. i wanted to finish it before the holidays, but i failed. why? because i threw that book aside for days until a few days ago when i decided to pick it up to finish it. i always do that. i always read halfway and ditch it. and there's a 50-50 chance of me continuing it after sometime. the only books i read completely are sweetheart from hell, twilight &new moon. i wish i can finish them all, but...i just fail to.

oh, i have holidays homework to complete too! yes, of all things to blog about. but i have to blog about this homework thing! i completed konserto terakhir! i forced myself to finish it because i know i don't like doing malay homework so i should finish it up as soon as possible so i don't need to think about it anymore. i did it in a day. no, i didn't do it all at one go. i am not a robot! if you're wondering whether i did the kosa kata by myself, the answer is no. i copied tee ming hui's work. uh-huh, that form 5 guy.

so, i've a section of math, english, physics essays, biology structured, moral &history left to be done! hopefully i can do them as soon as possible so i don't need to think of it too!

as you all know, the japanese went back to japan already and the wesleyans are in japan now. hosting a japanese to me was an experience that i cannot forget. it was so hard for me to communicate with my guest for that whole 3 days. yes, i was sweating in genting too alright. i will get panic when i don't know how to explain and carl mann &jing xuan will come to rescue! thank god for them. if they weren't there, i would have died. food at seafood paradise restaurant was a lot that i can't even eat all of it. 9 of us can't even finish them. carl mann and i actually dumped our guest with jing xuan just to camwhore in forever 21's fitting room. i can't believe that i didn't really talk to my guest just because it was hard to talk to her in english but i did talk to carl mann's guest. maybe because i enjoyed teasing her with her boyfriend's name. quote hui ee, "probably because that's the only word you know", which is actually true. that's the only thing i know what to say to her. she's cute in a way. she'll jump whenever i mention her boyfriend's name anytime. she blushes too! jing xuan's guest likes hello kitty a lot. her towel, pouch, phone charger, phone theme, and god knows what else of hers is hello kitty. we basically walked a lot during their 3 days of stay here.

on their first day from school, we went to klcc by car. then we walked to the kelana jaya line underground to go to kl sentral. from kl sentral we walked to the monorail, to go to bukit bintang. from that station, we walked all the way to pavilion. after pavilion, we walked all the way back to bukit bintang monorail station and then we went to hang tuah monorail station to change to ampang line. from hang tuah we then went to bandaraya station for sogo's siang restaurant. that's for the day and we walked like...more than 10k steps. we went to genting for a night on their second day of stay. it didn't look like we walked a lot, but, it was more than 12k steps. we left the japanese in the room that night and we went down to starbucks because i wanted to. then my dad came and we went to bakery's because i wanted to eat cupcakes. halfway eating, i started to feel sleepy. after eating we then went back to the room and slept. on their third day of stay, we didn't really go anywhere to walk around. we didn't even have time. so we had lunch at gohtong jaya and straightaway after that we headed back for school. carl mann, jing xuan and i didn't play because we were too tired to run around catching a ball. at around 4 something hui ee, li ling, carl mann, jing xuan and i got into my dad's car for seafood paradise restaurant. thank god for hui ee. if hui ee wasn't there, we would probably get lost somewhere in kl and might not make it to that restaurant for final meet up and dinner with the japanese. after dinner we took the group picture. i looked so tiny in it though. do you realize that the japanese had taken all the trains (except for ktm) within a day? great aye? i didn't realize that too until carl mann nudged me about it.

i felt so relieved when they left because i don't need to stress myself up to think how to communicate. i felt like dying everytime i face them because i don't know how to use those japanese-speaking english. when they left, most of us got used to speaking the way we spoke to them for the whole 3 days ._.

now i can't host an australian.

hah.
he's coming back on the 26th...
oh, did anyone of your realized that i was the only one without a fan on stage that day when i performed?

Labels: Dear Diary, Miscellaneous, Tag, Thoughts, Unforgettable

I've been reading nowadays. I just finished New Moon. I'm still waiting for Eclipse. I just want Eclipse now. If I am going out this Saturday, I'll get Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, since Carl Mann wouldn't lend me hers.



I screwed up games. Now I know that water balloons and I don't get along. Feesh, why would they even want me to play? I'm just, not interested in playing games. Running, and whatever is just so not me. I can't do them all, and yes, I give up in learning how to. It's too hard. I rather sleep and eat and grow fat.



By the way, my Japanese host is coming next Friday. I emailed her...months ago and I've yet to receive a reply from her so I'll assume that she doesn't know how to use the computer, or, she doesn't have a computer on her own. Worst, she doesn't understand the email? Damnit. Since they are coming, I've to dance. Another feesh. Can I not dance, Steph? She said no. I am so freaking lazy to remember the steps. We don't have the fans too. Hard to practice. And we have less than a fortnight to brush up and remember those steps! Sigh.

I shan't sigh anymore. Boom.

My dance partner is Khye Mun. (whoopsy, did I spell his name right?) After *counts* 10 months in WMS, I just know who Khye Mun is. Dang.

Jing Xuan &I are the best copy cats on earth, right, Jing Xuan? We're good at copying dance steps, especially the finale! Gosh, I feel so...like a queen at copying. I was completely clueless today, when everyone else knew some steps. At first I became so frustrated that I can just step out any moment and then I decided to chill.

Reow.





Anyway, I might be...on a hiatus again? I don't know what to blog about and so, I'm off to...sleeping and reading at the moment, until I have something to blog about in the future.


(See, I forgot to say something again.)



About Cameron!

Cameron was hot. Yes, it was hot. Hot for me, not you. I slept with shorts that night. Oh yes, there were mosquitoes too. Darn. I had so many mosquito bites on my hand and face. So much of being cold there. I went to that tea factory and I liked the smell. Maybe because of the bitterness-like smell. Hm. I like that kind of smell. I got bored when they got us to the explanation of how tea reached Malaysia, and how BOH was here, etc, things like that. I enjoyed the food, both dinner and lunch. I enjoyed the jungle walk in Gunung Brinchang too. I enjoyed laughing at the guys, especially Yi Sheng and Ki Yip, for crapping.

After this Cameron trip, I have another 3 new nick names - kampung girl, emo &cartoon! Yi Sheng gave me those names though.

I think that's all.
Ta.
I'll pray &keep on wishing that you will agree to go out with me, and, build a bond between us as friends.

Labels: Dear Diary, School, Traveling And Events

I went out with Corliss &Mann today. We were supposed to meet at 11 but eventually we met up at 12 something because Corliss were busy and I only get to see Mann at 2 something, when we were super hungry. Yeah, Carl Mann appears when there's food &when she wants to see me for something after seeing him. Yeesh.

While waiting for Corliss, I went to the concourse with my family and ended up buying perfume ._. and photoshooting. Of all times, Corliss appeared when the lady was putting on make-up for me. Corliss was laughing at me all the way and she can still say she didn't! Unfair yo.

After all that I went for the photography session. The poses were so funny and...slutty that I can't help it but to laugh. Corliss was laughing too okay. My brother laughed the most.

I couldn't put up the picture because I don't have a scanner so, boo.

Carl Mann kept on cursing me to go to hell because I didn't eat anchovies and some other extras. I bought a dessert and I couldn't finish it because it was too cold and for that, Carl Mann said it's ok because I'll be going to hell anyway. She likes cursing me. Boooo.

After food, we went to Times Bookstore to get stuffs so practically we spent our whole day at the bookstore. I'm sorry Corliss! We even imitated them. It was fun imitating them although I had goosebumps all over. We saw pretty stuffs at the bookstore but it was too expensive so yep. Corliss even wanted to buy that wired bookmark until I had a brilliant idea of buying beautiful ribbons and make it by myself. That wired bookmark costs RM9.90. Dang. It's like so expensive. The cheapest bookmark they have is RM7.90. I wouldn't spend that much for one bookmark. So in the end Corliss and I got 2 different colors ribbon for us to make our own bookmark on Wednesday! Quote Corliss, "It's like we're attending a handicraft lesson on Wednesday."

I even wanted to buy New Moon, and The Other Boleyn Girl until Carl Mann told me that she has it all. So, money saved.

Halfway through book hunting, Carl Mann decided to play hide-and-seek with Say Loong and eventually it got me involved because I called her to ask what time she is going back. Her tone is super funny! It's as if she's telling me a secret. The conversation went like this: (Carl Mann, Yuen May) She spoke softly all the way.

Eh butt, wh-
Hello..?
=.= Where are you lah?
I'm not telling you.
What the heck.
I'm playing hide-and-seek now.
Omg. I've no time for hide-and-seek. Where are you?
I'm not telling you.
(=.=; I went hunting for her then) Okay whatever it is, what time are you going to go back?
Hm, I think 4 something to 5.
(still finding) Ish, tell me properly!
Yes lah, I think 4 something to 5.
(walla, I found her and both of us laughed) Hahahahaa. Okay then.

Slowly, I saw him. I told him that I found Carl Mann. He begged me to tell him where is Carl Mann but since I'm a *ahem* nice person then I said I don't know where's Carl Mann. What a lie.

I think that's all, after Carl Mann, Corliss and I decided to leave. We first took the monorail. You know we gotta wait for the people to come out then we can go in? I didn't care about that rule and when I was about to step in, Carl Mann pulled my hand and said, "eh, you know we must wait for the people to come out one mah right! why you step in first? no manners lah you." Seriously man I tell you about this Carl Mann, she always make me zha dou ._.

I was afraid that Corliss will get lost in Masjid Jamek so I keep on finding for a way. Thank God that Carl Mann is going to KL Sentral so Corliss tagged along. After I reached my station, I texted them boo.

That's all for the day I think.
When I see them playing like that, it reminds me so much of him. No, I don't miss him. In fact, I lost all my hope. I just don't want to think of it too much. What bothers me is just another him.
Carl Mann calls the other 2 him as teddy and pillar. I don't know why she calls him teddy.


I like someone else but is being attracted to someone else.

Labels: Dear Diary, Depression, Friends, Random

WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD.

I'm feeling down nowadays.
My instinct is telling me that something bad is coming up.
Maybe it's the exams.
Oh well.


Do you know that you're that addictive?

Su Ann is going to migrate to Melbourne for good. Yes, that means no more ballet buddy for the rest of my life. I won't be seeing her for ballet (not forgetting school too) after the exam anymore. Why is this bringing me down so badly? Is it because of the bond we built? I can say I am quite close to her. Well, not that close.

Jasmine Tan, if you're seeing this, I want to tell you that we're not going to travel so far for our exams! Say "I LOVE YOU" to Miss Fish who agreed to come to Cheras to examine the 5 of us on the 24th of October. You'll be the first with Jia Xin who'll enter the exam room first! Good luck to you and Jia Xin! =D
And after that, of course it'll be Ge Li, Su Ann and I.
Damn, that's scary.
After the exams, after December, I won't be stepping into the ballet studio with bun tied up neatly, navy spaghetti-leotard, tights and navy belt that teacher wants us to wear it everytime anymore. I'm going to miss you guys, and I hope we'll not lost in contact.

Nowadays, it's hard to keep in touch, no? Frankly, I've forgotten half of my previous schoolmates now. Not to deny that I've short term memory.


Why is this so hard?

I've not completed my holidays homework.
Waiting to die.
Waiting to get murdered by the principal.


What for, when they don't even look at you? (U)

I'm trying to go on a hiatus so hard but I eventually fail to.

I don't know what I want to do or I'm doing, really.


Commentless.
About everything.

Time flies.
A week ago, I was feeling so relieved because I get to rest and now, I'm under higher pressure because exams is coming up in less than a week. Oh, that's for EST and Civics, if I am not mistaken.
I'm getting lazier in going back to school. I don't want to face stress anymore. I'm not sick of it, but, I'm feeling as if I'm dying soon.
I don't think I can make it through Form 4, so, if I really do leave, goodbye.
I just...don't want to leave, that's why. I took so long to get used to WMS, and if I leave now, wouldn't it be a waste? And, I've finally found friends here, and I don't want to leave them that early. I'll miss them, more than I missed my previous school friends. I'll miss them more because they helped me a lot in getting used to this place. I really don't know what I'm thinking either.
And, I'm not ready, yet.


Dammit.
It's time to move on.

Labels: Ballet, Complains, Dear Diary, Depression, Rants

If someone could tell me when this was taken, I'll appreciate it;
because it was taken without me knowing it.


The Roo family.
Yes, from Australia.


There’s something about the look in your eyes,
Something I noticed when the light was just right.
It reminded me twice that I was alive.
And it reminded me that you’re so worth the fight.

A few days ago, I told myself that I should study and not online nor procrastinate anymore. But, some part of me just allow me to procrastinate.

Results?

I've not studied anything for the exams. Just for my own record, I've given up completely in studies, and, I'm now thinking of the circumstances when the papers are returned to its owner.
I seriously have no idea about how I can choose that worthless decision.
I dare not take a risk this time. I dare not aim for higher achievement either. I dare not do anything that will bring me good!

I absolutely do not know what I'm doing right now.


If you give me a chance to express myself,
&& gradually you do the same;
things wouldn't be torturing me now.

I did this handwriting analysis test thing a couple of days ago, and I think it's quite true. So, no harm trying it I think.

It's @ http://handwritingwizard.com

Labels: Dear Diary, Recommendation, Thoughts

I nearly died yesterday, seriously. If I really died, all of you must come for my funeral.

What happened?

When I was having a nap (yeah, it was at night), my grandma shouted my name TWICE and yes, I jumped when she shouted my name. How unlucky. And we even fought. She even said I'm not respecting her. Goshgoshgosh, first, I'm not even wrong. Dangs.

Sometimes, it's best to ignore.



I went to YogurBerry again at the Mines yesterday. Gosh, I can't stress how much I love YogurBerry. YogurBerry originally came from Korea! Speaking of mel-la-min (I don't know how to spell!), I don't know what to say nor do.



I love their yogurt ice-cream. It's yummy.
You should try it, really. YogurBerry franchises are located at Times Square, The Mines & Sunway Pyramid.

Oh, before that, their yogurt ice-cream is fat-free. So, are you going to try it?

Labels: Dear Diary, Recommendation

I promise I will.

Ladiladida :D

I got a post in Scouts Committee Board 08/09. Whee.
Although it's a small one, I'm satisfied :D
I get to be a Patrol Leader for one year yo!


eoneunale nal bonaejulgeoya

Sometimes, it kills me deep inside, but I do not dare to express it. Even if I do, nothing would happen somehow.

Freak.

I shouldn't be such a pessimist, no?
I shall be an optimist.
Why the heck am I feeling so down?
I know that he knows that he killed me.
Oh well.

It's something that I don't want to care about anymore.
No further explanations will be told.


The end.

Dang. Attention? Oh, thank you very much.

Enough of daily rantings.


I fly like wind and float like clouds.

All this while, I got my font colors from this site. They have more than 1000 named colors. Cool eh?

They even have spicy pink, cranberry jello, tongue, swimming pool, picasso blue, dress blue, dumpster, aquamarine, isle royale greenstone, aquarium, and many more! They have weird names, don't they?

I didn't know there's more than 1000 colors with names too, until I went Google-ing about HEX color codes.

Somehow, I believe that jello appeared before in my past. I've no idea when, but I do know that word once appeared in my life. If I'm not mistaken, it's the ice-cream that Jasmine and I once loved.

Nights, hons (this font color is sweet potato vine!).

Labels: Dear Diary, Random, Rants, School, Thoughts

Gosh, my butt hurts today.
Thanks to racussi yesterday.
Yep, my class did intermediate work yesterday. And Miss Hiew explained the difference between RAD and ISTD. Wei Vern was like, "Miss Hiew, why is it easier than ours, when we're a grade lower?"

She answered, "RAD is easier than ISTD because ISTD got a lot of freework."

Yes, I suck at freework.

Saying goodbye to distinction I guess?

-----------------------------

After being bored for a super long time, AsianFanatics Forum popped up in my head again. Gosh, it has been like...a few months since I last logged into that forum. I don't know whether I'm still the don't-know-what trial. Dang.

-----------------------------

Tomorrow's Monday again! Gosh, will be studying History, Malay, Mod Maths, Add Maths, English, ICT, Biology, Chemistry. (Bolded ones are boring! Okay, not that boring. It's that...I feel sleepy whenever it's time for those.)

&&&. Corliss' not coming tomorrow?

Okay, I'm thoughtless now. *drops dead*

Will update soon when I have things to say.

Labels: Ballet, Dear Diary, Depression, Thoughts