Welcome to my online diary. I blog what I want to blog about. Whether thoughts, daily rantings, bitchings, whatever, they're still in my blog. Don't judge them before knowing me personally. You got no rights to. If you don't like them, you can leave.
Goodbye &take good care of yourself.
just me
&me alone
My name is Awesome.
I'm 17 going on 18.
I'm fantastical, seasonal, &magical.
For some reason, I'm feeling the guilt now. It's all because, I feel like I ditched my old group of friends. And, it's not my fault. Maybe it is, but for now, I'm not going to admit. I've moved on. And I somehow, don't really miss you guys as I was. And for that, I'm feeling guilty. I'm really sorry guys. Its something that I really don't want it to happen, but, I guess I've moved on. I still love you guys. Maybe I've grown closer to this new bunch of friends. I trust them now. Not all, but some. I love them as much as I love you guys. They're the reason I live. I don't know what made me change. I used to think that I will never leave you guys. I proved myself wrong. Things changed. I, myself changed as well since I left Puteri. If I were to list all of them, them compilation would be as long as the school rules. Yes, I am exaggerating it. Let me cut off the crap. I think, I should think of all my friends today and think of what I've done wrong. After that, I shall admit my mistakes, and apologize. I know I am supposed to be on a hiatus, but, just because of the guilt, I am posting this. I know a lot of them dislike me. There are a variety of reasons. And, some of them dislike me when I do nothing to them. It's okay. I am on Cloud 10. Yes, not Cloud 9. So, there's nothing can bring me down currently. Unless my friends do something to against me, then, yes, it's a possibility for me to feel emo all over again. They are there when I need them. They cheer me up when I am about to cry. With the way they are, I can never cry. Why? They're lame, funny, cheerful, annoying, talkative, sadistic (yeah, they like to bully me, especially Yap Carl Mann!), etc. I am hanging out with them not because I want to be accepted. I am hanging out with them just because I like the way they are. By the way, I don't know what I just said because, I just blabbed. I don't know why my moodswing is back. Someone please kill me. I shan't think too much. But I am thinking that much. Sometimes, I feel like dying because it's a torture. I should tell myself to cheer up. Tomorrow is a Sunday. And the day after tomorrow is MONDAY! Yeay yeay yeay whee whee! I love Mondays. I don't like Fridays. ANYMORE. I guess it's because of...things. I don't know why. It's like I am looking forward in going to school everyday. I can smile to myself like a fool. My stepmum now said that I am in love, which I don't think so. But, I shall accept it from her. Living in denial can make me feel okay. If I were to face the reality, I'll cry my butt off. I'm now as happy as anything. I can never cry easily nowadays. I don't feel like talking nowadays. I don't know why. It's not that I want to avoid everyone and be quiet. Maybe I'm getting bored with everything. But at the same time, I feel like talking to them as much as I like it. Just 'cause they're fun to be with. I've been skipping meals. And that result to my stomach rejecting food whenever I eat them. I love eating, but I don't know what happened to me recently. Going crazy, I think? Sometimes I think that being emo isn't worth it. Right? And, I think I should learn the art of make-up. Make-up makes oneself look prettier. No, I don't say that I look pretty in it. I just want to play around with it. I want to learn how to bake too. I want to learn almost everything, including latin dancing. Not forgetting ballroom. Ballet exam is coming soon. Final term exam is coming soon too. This sucks. I am afraid that I'll fail again. I don't want to fail anything this time. I've to go on a balanced diet and skip supper everyday. Miss Hiew is getting annoyed at my tummy. She doesn't want me to eat fatty food. I love fatty food. I love eating fats. I can't stress how much I love food. I shall be happy, thinking of him and not let anyone pull me down. "No one can ever pull you down unless you allow them." Agree? I do.
July's ending soon. August break is approaching. I'm leaving this country alone in 3 weeks' time. It'll be my first time. Final Term Examination will be coming soon. Wtf, what am I thinking right now?
Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.
I like laughing. I like going to school. I like sleeping. I like eating. I like skipping meals. I like seeing. I like everything.
I know, I sound like an idiot now. But oh well.
Goodbye.
Seriously.
I think I'm going on a hiatus soon again. Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know why too.
I fall back on the bed surrounded by laughter of newfound friends. I realize sometimes happiness doesn't lies with those who know you best, but those who don't know you at all.
Is it because of him?
I don't know.
Carl Mann said, "don't worry, be happy."
But, I can't control my feelings now.
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
I think...I should be happy now, but, something is bringing me down. I don't know what it is!
I shall stop being emo now.
I should think that everything will be alright. Look at the bright side, no?
If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.
Concert was 'kay.
I'm going to miss everything - abbreviated time table, new friends, the dance, etc.
1...2...3...RAINBOW! Don't worry people, we'll meet again, and be as close as we were. I miss you guys.
She likes feeling tall. She was bending. Damn it.
Ruorong! My first expression towards her was, "damn, she wanted to be in so hard." I'll miss you Rong.
Leow Su-Ann! :] I'll always see you for ballet. The one who became my daughter.
Belinda Yee The one who got most offended in this dance. The one who got Corliss and I annoyed most. The one who is adorable. The one who got me screaming, "BELINDA! COME HERE! NOW!" everytime when its time for practice. The one who became my daughter too.
Emo Hui Yi The one blogs emo-ly. The one who sings "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" during practice.
Jeremy Chor The one whom I didn't really like talking to for the first week. The one who got me irritated at the first time we met. The one who became my son. The one who can become gay. The one who can dance latin well.
Lai Min Yi The one whom I got close to during the whole practice. The one who will got me missing her most after this. The one whom I screamed at most. The one whom I taught most. The one who really worked hard for the dance. The one who practiced hard. The one who became my daughter and disown herself ._. *hearts* xoxo
Boh Zhuang Yui The one who keeps on telling me, "hey, where are you going?" whenever I try to check whether she's alert.
Esther Foo The one who can dance latin well. The one who can arch her feet perfectly.
Teh Wee Kii The one...who...I don't know. The one who couldn't come to perform at first. The one who became my daughter.
Suet Wah The one who keeps on telling me, "get away! get away!" whenever I try to do something funy. The one who keeps on telling me, "YER!" The one who can make me smile :)
Laura Ng The one who talked to me about him. The one whom I didn't know well.
Yap Jia Yi The one who has a 'twin' sister. The one who gets shy when I talk about her someone. The one who's really flexible like whoa.
Ong Kai Sin The one who really did well during the practice.
Gosh. Time passes really fast yeah? The time I first stepped into this school was...ages ago. Okay, not ages ago. It was 7 months ago if I were to round the months up.
I miss you, concert practice.
Suet Tyng! My indian wedding buddy. Haha. We were talking about green wedding gowns.
Brendaaaaa.
Finally, Madam Tasdeeqa!
Rainbow girls, I'll miss all of you. Friends forever, no? :]
With loves of love from me, xoxo.
P/S: I know who I didn't take a picture with. I didn't take one with Nik Shahiran.
Isn't it great, when you found out that your costume isn't ready yet and the full dress rehearsal is tomorrow?
Not only that...
We're also going to wear pink and black fish net as our so called ballet tights, soft ballet shoes, white and pink curled ribbons on our head with a tight bun, purple-pink dress, beautiful flower as our hair accessory (supposed to) belt thingy.
Gosh, I've nothing more to say except to see it tomorrow if the costume's ready.
I don't even know whether I could fit into that piece of unknown-sized costume/dress.
Oh well.
I can't wait to see you, Chea!
And Sookie too!
[edit] Corliss is super ulu I tell you!
She doesn't know how to add a contact into her msn.
Being around the 7's are like super weird. I've no idea why but I feel so. It's like...they're a bunch of strangers. Damn, I've moved on, no?
Oh well.
Some sort like a tag thing.
Okay so, name any of your 3 friends or more and follow what is written below.
- Name of friend - Picture (optional) - Nicknames (if available) - 2 to 3 things you think he/she likes - 1 to 2 things that you think he/she dislikes - 1 thing which is special about him/her - 1 thing that you think is interesting about him/her - 1 thing that you can comment about him/her
After that, tag 8 of your friends which can be either in the list or not.
#1
- Corliss Lee Ching Yi - Lissilee, Goldfish Lee, Liss, Cor, Corlyfries - Jazz, violin - People being rude - She cares for everyone. - She's bony. - She's underweight.
#2
- Yap Carl Mann - Perasan-Shit, Yuppy Curry Manny, Manny, Manni, Carman's Energy Food Bar, Ah Mann, Carl Mann - JAY CHOU, JAY CHOU's productions - Hamsters T.T - She's narcissistic. - She's lame. - No comments, 'cause I have too many comments. LOL. Love her to bits man.
#3
- Ng Zhen Yie - Zaangeliney, Zhennie, Zhen - Cheerleading, true friends - Too many things to list out. - Oooh, many things to list. - Being herself. - Zhen Yie is lovable!
#4
- Jasmine Kok Puey Kenn - Jazzywuzzy, Jas Mine, Jas, Jassy, Gassy, Min Min, darling, babe - Baskin Robbins! Coffeeeee. - Er...studying? I don't know. - She has white hair. - She has a brain which is made of sponge. - She is...too serious.
#5
- Chiew Li Ling - Ah Ling, Li Ling, Lingi - Gossip Girl? Dieting. - This...I am not sure. - She has fangs! :3 Ok joking. She laughs. - She laughs with me. And at me and everything. Like me. - Lingi? Nope.
#6
- Jane Yeow Yeng Pei - Jane Jane, Pei Pei, Yeng Pie, Janey - Oh, HIM! And healthy food. - Two-timers. - - She can still be skinny even when she eats more than me. - I ah-dorrr herrrr. She is fun.
#7
- Geraldine Liew Hui San - Ged, Gerry, Jerry - Food, playing - - She is a bag of bones. - She eats too much and yet she is bony.
#8
- Kumuta Palan - Kumi, Takumu, Muruku, Lame-muta - Vegetable, - People calling her Lame-muta - - - Kumuta, stop being a vegetarian for my sake.
- Ho Wee Ru - Wee Wee, Ru, Howee, Weeru - guitar, food - people ignore her - she can make you laugh - her legs are way shorter than her upper body lol - nothing
p/s: sorry if i didn't post some pictures for some people. i was getting too lazy to search for it and some are unavailable. anyway, love you guys.
When all the clouds darken up the sky way There's a rainbow highway to be found Leading from your window pane To a place behind the sun Just a step beyond the rain
I'm sick with "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".
Been playing it for the past 3 weeks repeatedly everyday. *yawns*
It's super funny when everything's in a mess during rehearsal. Yep, I was laughing my ass off today, during rehearsal, because it was totally in a mess and Nik ran 2 rounds when he was supposed to run once.
Oh well.
The real one is in...2 weeks, so, we've to polish up.
This has been a passion since 2004, ever since I watched some ballet movie after UPSR. If I had not mistaken, it was Sleeping Beauty and Swan Lake. I used to be bored with those toes and everything. But somehow, everything changed within a split second.
I've no idea why I stopped ballet after 2 lessons of Grade 4.
As far as I remember, it was because I lost my interest in it and...etc.
I wanted to go back to ballet at 13, but failed as my dad didn't allow because of the transportation and I was still staying in Seremban.
I tried going back to ballet every year but my dad doesn't allow me to until last year, because I was about to move from Seremban to KL. I tried a day out after PMR and I refused to stop because the passion is there. I don't want to stop.
I really don't want to.
I am just in love with ballet.
MINOR UPDATE @ 2051:
This is one of the set exercise for Advanced 1 class. Isn't it nice? I saw the students from my ballet school doing this set exercise before. Gah.
The more I watch ballet set exercise and solos, the more I think of becoming a ballet dancer. Oh well, I shouldn't, because I'm short. A normal ballerina's height must be effin tall to be a full time ballet dancer. That's what Corliss said. I don't know.
Dad, if I don't stop ballet next year, it's because I'm in love with ballet.
