It's so weird when people are feeling down &I'm feeling okay, or, when people are feeling so happy &hyped up &I'm feeling down. Hmm, why is it like that?

I hope that my friends will feel good soon. I feel upset when they're feeling down. &I feel hopeless. Be it hi-bye friends, or close friends. I feel even more worst when my close friends are feeling down.'

Feel good soon!





There's hope to feel okay. Everything will be fine.

Dad never thought of sending me to UK for further education, until today when Teddy, from GEN Edu, told him about the fees structure, comparing London &Sydney. London is actually cheaper than Sydney ._. For real. I never thought London can be cheaper than Sydney. I mean, it's London! &I've always known that London is expensive. So now, instead of feeling more determined, we're more torn apart ._. &now, torn between NZ, UK &AU. Oh, we're screwed.

&now we're thinking of another alternative. Maybe taking A-Levels or AUSMAT in MCKL [hopefully it's not for real because I don't want to go to MCKL] then to the university in UK, NZ or AU. I'll need half a million minimum to complete my course. Be it UK, NZ or AU, I'll still need a minimum amount of half a million ringgit Malaysia.

I don't know why WMS is taking so much of time to give us our forecast. How long will it take to take our forecast now? I mean, every other school is already producing it. Every other school students have already applied. Why are they taking so much of time to do it? Is producing a forecast difficult?

"I just called a principal that I need a forecast for 1 of the students there &the principal just said, Okay, I can do it soon. You can come tomorrow to collect it." - Teddy, from GEN Edu.

I'm like so shocked. In WMS, we need to write letter to get it fast - which I don't think it's fast anyway. Ah. Why!?

I'm not rushing, but I've to rush. I got NS to avoid. Sigh, you lucky people who didn't get selected. So sad. You know, before we checked our names, I used to think that it'll be a small percentage for me to get selected for NS. Screw it. Jeeeeez. It's possible, I tell you. None of the 7s got selected. But I got selected. How sad can that be.






I'm considering commerce law, physiotherapy, psychology, nutrition &dietetics, &criminology.

But my dad said that criminology &commerce law will be a waste of time. He said I've spent 2 years of my life studying Science &it'll be a waste if I go to Arts. Ooooooh. Troublesome. When I suggested marine biology, engineering, food science &etc, he was against it too. Sigh.

I told my dad that I've made up my choice.

1st choice: Pharmacy
2nd choice: Dentistry
3rd choice: Medicine

My dad said, "why are your choices getting harder? I thought it's supposed to get easier?" Well, because I was crapping ._. Yeah, nonsense. I am not going to study Medicine, thanks. Dentistry? No thanks. I don't have the guts to face teeth everyday! So yes I am so torn apart. I've only decided on my 1st choice. 2nd &3rd choices, should be nutrition &dietetics, psychology, or physiotherapy. Really, I'm so torn that I can't even decide on my own for my future.






I'm going to have tuition classes from 8am to 11am everyday so I don't think I am going to school this week, unless they've release the forecast then I'll try to go to school, &that's if Liling can't take my forecast for me. There's nothing to do in school, &I don't really have the intention to sit in class. I'm so sorry best friend.

I felt bad for being away from class anyway, &for that, I got her a 10-in-1 Hello Kitty pen with a letter of apology. I know she likes Hello Kitty like me, so she'll be happy for getting a Hello Kitty pen! [;

You know, I am going to get an A1 A+ for Chemistry! I am, going to get it. As for Biology...I don't know. But for Chemistry, I'm going to get it! Add Maths, Maths, English. They're all going to be an A+. If I can get A+ for Biology &Physics, I'm going to die of happiness. If I can get A+ for BM, History &Moral, I'll drop dead on the spot. If I can get A+ for EST, I'll be happy. Getting an A is not easy, I guess. With my attitude, &horrible discipline at home, getting an A will be impossible. Ah. I should study already I guess.

"If you desperately want to get the A's, you'll desperately work for it." - Mrs Sam.

Ah, I miss her. I miss rushing her essay during class when she gave us less than an hour to finish a 300-400 essay during Form 3. I heard that she gives about an hour to complete a 700 words essay. I miss her classes. Sigh. I used to get sleepy during her class, you know. You can't blame me, it was a 2 hours per week class of pure BM. I could only stay awake everytime when she teaches interesting literature. My favorite was short stories, &poems. I can never understand BM prose, so screw it.






I guess I should sleep now, because it's 1215am already, &I've to wake up by 8am to prepare breakfast for myself &then, head off to class in my room. Oh Mr Kwan! It's going to be a 3 hell hours of Physics tomorrow.






Hmmm. He might come tomorrow [; Quite excited, &hopefully my dad will allow it. I miss him! It's been a week.






I'm glad that Liling likes the present I gave her. She screamed her lungs out when she received it today. It's an early present because I was excited! Hmm. I really hope that she likes it. I gave her a dog paperbag, a B5 frame, a 130 pieces puzzle with a picture of a Golden Retriever, animal paper clips, &a dog notebook [: They all have dogs in it, &that's why I got her them. I know she loves dogs. I wanted to get a toy poodle puzzle for her, but I guess she loves her Golden Retriever more, so, I decided to get her that Golden Retriever puzzle! [; &along the way, I got Zhengern her birthday gift too. I hope she likes it though. It's so scary buying presents for people because I'm really worried if they don't like it, or think it's too fancy, or think it's too cheap, or think it's too ugly, or things like that. I'm paranoid I admit.






Sometimes, I really want to be 180cm short &40kg light ._. It's so nice! &it'll be easy to dance ballet. It'll be super nice if I have that figure to dance ballet. Yikes. My love for ballet hasn't fade. I'm going to take up ballet again. Right, Queenie? Even when we're faraway from Jean Gan, we'll still take up ballet for our satisfy ourselves!

&speaking of which, I ate so many times today. I ate 4 piece of hotcakes this morning, followed by chicken porridge, hash brown, laksa, spaghetti &then hazel cheese cake. I think I'm going to turn into a piglet pig. But I couldn't control because I'm really hungry today.






Everyone's so stressed today. Is it me, or them? Or is it because I don't give a damn? Or is it because they care?

Screw me.






&again, I think I should stop here, because it's already 1227am!