If everyone were to be emotionless &mean, then life will be completed with nothing. No one will cry out their heart, no one to feel heartbroken, no one to feel what's life all about. If we're all emotionless, we'll be able to move on so easily, without looking back. But then again, is this what we want? Complete happiness, without some heartbreaking moments, some dull moments, some okay-okay moments? Is that what we all want? To an extend, of course. If things were to be completely happy, life will be quite dull, don't you think so? Who wouldn't want happiness? I want happiness. You want happiness. We all want things to happen in a way that we will be happy for, but somehow, it wouldn't turn out to be that way. When it doesn't turn out to be the way we wanted, we'll cry. We'll try to express our very own emotion to anyone. We'll try to express about how we feel so we can feel better. Telling someone about how we feel in fact make us feel better than before. If they respond in a way we wouldn't want to hear, we'll feel frustrated, &even more heartbroken. Sometimes, false hope helps. Sometimes, when we believe in false hope, about how it might turn out to be the way we wanted but in the end it didn't, we'll blame our friend who told us that piece of comfort statement. We wouldn't care about how inconsiderate we are for others when we're upset. We would treat them like rubbish, throw unnecessary tantrums at them who tries to be nice just because they found out that we're upset. It's painful for them too. It's painful for them to watch us cry silently, just because we want to keep our sadness to ourselves. Sometimes we'll think that we're right for doing so, but, sometimes when we do so, our friends will have this silent pain. Face expressions will eventually betray us, when we try to say that we're alright but we're actually not.




It's so weird when we think that our friends are the ones who helped us so much, &they are our bestfriends. In fact, it's not. Our bolster is our bestfriend. When you have a bad day, you'll hug &cry with your bolster to sleep. During the day, when you burst out, you'll still go on your bed, &hug your bolster, &cry. When you feel like the world is tearing apart, you'll still hug your bolster, &cry to sleep.




I talk to my bolster. I talk to my bolster about how good or bad my day was. Call me crazy, but look, it helps. Everytime when I do so, I receive no I-dont-want-to-hear responses, which will make me feel worst. I have another soft toy too, which sometimes replaces my bolster. My soft toy's name is Yellow. Yellow is a gift from Eugene, Jocelyn &Lionel for my 17th birthday. It's the only gift used, because, it's so soft. It's soft enough to hug it to feel comfortable. [Thanks Eugene, Jo &Lionel!] According to them, it's a cat =/ Ever since I got it, I sleep with it every night.




Going through life is our fate. God made it this way. Sometimes we'll say blame God is blind for making things this way, or taking innocent people away from Earth. In fact, God has His own reasons for doing so. We don't know, &will not know. Sometimes it's better that we don't know much instead of knowing every single thing. Knowing too much might get us in trouble. But, knowing too little will get us in trouble too. So, we shall know things at an average rate. You know what, let us be God ._.




Guess what, I got into an accident for the third time today. Oh, third time during parking too. Luckily it's at my condo's parking bay. I wonder if it's out there, on the road. Oh touch wood. Hopefully I won't get into minor accidents anymore. It's scary like crap. Sigh thank God my dad didn't screw me off. Luckily it's my late grandfather's car! Sigh.




I'm still not ready to face the world. I'm not ready to get into another stage of life. Or wait, am I ready yet? Somehow I am, somehow I'm not. I'm not ready because I still have SPM to go through with, &I'm ready because I'm ready all the while. My next stage of life will be in MCKL, starting from the 5th of January 2010. 2009 is ending so soon. I was enjoying myself talking to Carl Mann &the rest 1 year ago just because it was post examination period. &now, I'm thinking about how to brush myself up before SPM starts. Not talking about 1 year later. Time passes really fast. It was seconds ago when I just stepped into WMS. It was seconds ago when I was the female lead for dramas. It was seconds ago when I broke down. It was seconds ago when I said, "screw it, I'm lazy to go to school." It was seconds ago when all events of my life occured. Oh wait, it was seconds ago when I was still in the crib. I miss being in the crib &cry just because I was hungry. You know, time never stops. Sigh. If we have the power to pause time &complete whatever things we've not done, life will be perfect.