Dear love,
I feel like a dead person due to my stupidity in academics. I feel like dying, not in Puteri. I wanna go away. I wished I wasn't in Omega before, or maybe, not getting 5A's, so, my dad wouldn't put as high as 5A's for PMR now. It's killing me.

I don't wanna speak to Jasmine. :( I am like..stupid enough to not have the quality to speak to her. Please, do not say that I think I am smart. I ADMIT I AM STUPID. Happy? I didn't speak to her for the past few days and then today, when it was time go fly home, she thought I don't wanna speak to her 'cause of the transport thing. -.-" Am I that immature enough to think about that? Okay. Anything. Whatever.

And that Jasmin has to remind me that I have another 102 days till PMR reaches. BLARH DEE HEEE ELLL. I don't wanna know. I still have a huge stack of books to do. I know Jasmine is smart enough to get 7A's. I am not. English is hard to get A. Puan Shireen is so...kiamsiap. My Malay sucked as much as I suck in every subjects. Puan Rosidah is extra kiamsiap. Sigh. I am so stupid to be true. Seriously. Out of 11 subjects, I only got 700+. I bet Jasmine got 1000+. Sigh. Why am I stupid? 'Cause I am lazy? No. Whatever I read can't get into my freaking brain.

I read half of Form 2's Chapter 7 that day and now, I can't even remember. Not even anything. All I know it's about those pejuangs. Sigh. I better focus more on Living Skills because I know nuts about commerce. As for my last examination, commerce pulled down my total marks. I did quite okay in teras. I mean seriously. Although 21 is not a good point, but, still! I used to get lower than that. So, I should be happy that I got 21, over 30. And in total I got 60. It's another shocking thing again. I mean, if I read a bit more, I would get 65. I didn't read, seriously. I mean I read, but it was very limited as time was running like how water runs. I don't understand commerce, really. I want Puan Chin back, so, at least I don't need to read to score like before. When Puan Chin was around, I don't need to read but I can still get minimum 20. She makes people understand the bloody commerce. So. It's not a problem. For now, it's a problem!

Life is so hard to go through. Everyone is coping up except me. I wish I can apply for something in November. Sigh. WHY NOT NOW. Sigh. Never mind, it's still the admission. I wish my dad will say, "Okay, when do you want to sit for the test? Can go there already." If that is what my dad will tell me, I'll jump off a building due to happiness. I swear I'll get A's for it.

Forget it. I doubt it'll happen. I am a dreamer and I have rights to dream on. Sigh. But I can't dream that I am as smart as Jasmine. I'll freaking die.

I think I'll get top 20 this time, again. Or maybe top 30, top 40. TOUCH WOOD. And, although my total marks aren't good as the Omegas, it's still a satisfaction to me 'cause normally in those mid-year examination or whatsoever like final term, I'll get 600+. I am stupidddddddd.

So, don't speak to me or else you'll regret. Seriously. Sigh.

I hate those people who got a few A's and still say they're stupid. It's like as if I got all A's like Jasmine. I am worst. I have 5 freaking C's, 5 bitching B's and 1 farking A. ONE ONLY, OKAY. And that A is unneccessary, 'cause it's the stupid Civics that I didn't study. WHY CIVICS OUT OF ALL SUBJECTS. I wish I die. Oh, leave me, as a friend, if you want. I bet Jasmine is gonna disown me. I don't know why but I have this feeling that she'll disown me.

Life is like this. Ups and downs.


* * *

Anyway, I went to KL last Friday. And played Time Crisis 3 on the PS2. Seriously, it was heaps of fun! I like playing PS2 with my dad. Haha. Then, my dad asked whether I would wanna follow him to Genting the next day with my mum. Hell, of course I said yes. Then, I slept quite early.

When I woke up, I changed into my attire to get ready to leave the house for Genting. On the way to my mum's place, my dad called Genting to ask for room reservations but... FUCKKKK. No rooms. Thanks to Sammi Cheng. She made everyone go to Genting for her concert. Out of all days. So we decided to stay in KL. I mean, in a hotel. So we stayed at Sol Melia. Before checking in, we went to KL Plaza 'cause my mum wanted to go to the biggest MNG shop in KL. And I bought 5 things from KL Plaza. Yummy. Pictures will be in next post if I remember. I bought some black tube top, a black top with tiny wordings on it, a black long pants, a pink tank top and a wallet.

I was quite happy with it. After checkin' into the hotel, I dump my things there and went to Coronade Hotel for lunch. Yummy. Ate then I went to Lot 10. Bloody hell. I nearly got the Forever & Ever perfume by Dior. But I didn't get it. So. I walked around looking for espadrilles but failed. Sigh. Espadrilles are nice. I know that Koh Kyean once said that she love espadrilles. Who wouldn't love espadrilles?

Then later at night, we went to Times Square. Leon was there. I bet that he wouldn't know if I am dead myself. He don't even care about me. That shows a lot already. Thankyouverymuch. I don't care. He's bastard. He is cheating on me but he don't want to admit. BASTARD. An idiot.

Because of him. EVERYTHING IS BECAUSE OF HIM. Mood is gone. I'll blog later.

Labels: Depression, Rants