My fault.

Yes it is my fault.

For not studying Chemistry seriously for the first monthly test. Congrats to Li Li, for scoring high. I bet she's like one of the top students in her previous school.

I am not.

Sigh.

Carl Mann passed Chemistry too. Except me.

I think i am the lowest scorer for Chemistry of the whole form.

To any of my classmates who bumped into my blog or any Wesleyans: please do not say that you got the lowest. I know that i am the lowest, so, yeah.

I really regret for not studying.

My fault lah, really. There's too many chemical formula to remember. And as you guys know (my good friends), i hate memorizing things like crazy. That's one of the reasons why i hate History too. But some of the History facts are interesting.

I really have to study for the March term examination, and, my other monthly test subjects that i've yet to sit for. Gr.

Sometimes, i really do think that those pure Science subjects never fails to bore some of us. I feel sleepy automatically during Physics, and Chemistry. I've never felt sleepy for Biology before. But ever since that incident, goodbye awareness-during-Biology. Or maybe not. I don't think i'll feel more sleepy for any other subjects, because i want to pass. I don't want to fail anymore.

In fact, i've never failed in any subjects before - except Moral since Form 1. I've never liked Moral, because they're all in subjective form and it takes 2 hours for that paper. Gr i hate sitting long on chairs. Okay, fine, its impossible that i failed for Moral all the time. I passed before. The most i've ever gotten is...79%. Thats like...a B and a mark more to an A. How nice. That was in Form 2. I could score that much practically because the teacher gave those questions before in our exercise book, and i actually memorized a little from there.

How smart.

After that, i keep on failing because its not my teacher who set those papers anymore. I failed for Moral (okay maybe like 5 times altogether. i mean like an E) till last year. I got a B - finally because i studied for Moral. *sweat* I know i said i've never liked Moral. I don't know why, but i studied for it. Hmm i also wonder why.

Now, i don't care for what subjects i am taking, i am still going to study it. I don't care even if i hate that subject until i feel like killing that subject. I must study for all.

Even if i studied, i won't get good grades anyway. Sigh. As usual, i am a piece of failure.

Jasmine, i need you.

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Since yesterday's a public holiday for Kuala Lumpur, its a whee for us Wesleyans as its like a...one stretch long holidays. From the 1st of February till the 10th of February. (HAR HAR PUTERIANS! I got holidays! Longer than you! Be jealous =P)

I don't care if it's a holiday or not, because if it's a public holiday for Kuala Lumpur only, and not for Seremban, it's an advantage. Simply because i get to go back to Seremban to collect those documents like academics report book, leaving certificate, and health report book. I know what i've missed out - extra curricular report book. I couldn't get it because, i didn't hand it in at all since Form 1. I don't like carrying so many books around on our extra curricular day - Wednesday, so i quite of...forgotten about it.

Until when teacher stressed how important it is to us last year, it was too late. I couldn't turn the time back, right? So i let it be. Until yesterday, again. Sigh. I didn't know where to get the extra curricular certificate, so my last year's Science teacher told me she'll help me if i have a photocopy of the report page. I don't know to say this, so, yeah, forgive me. Its just a page of it. Then i went and photocopied it.

Puteri's cool because Puteri got a photostating shop. Boo Wesley. But who cares about that shop anyway.

Anyway, i think i better start off with my day.

I woke up quite early as i couldn't sleep well because i was pretty excited in seeing my sexy friends. Seriously, i slept like at 2 something the night before. I turned and turned around on the bed, but i failed to sleep early.

Then i got ready, woke up my dad as he said he's going back to Seremban as well. I planned to leave at 9.30am. My dad, the smart ass, woke up late, and whatnot, made us left at 10am - which is like the break time for Puteri yesterday. I was quite frustrated after that for like approximately 5 minutes. I guess i really have short term things like - short term memory, short term anger, short term everything else. And yes, i am short too.

When i reached, i went to the office, to request for my leaving certificate. Darn, i've to hunt for my other documents. The school clerk asked who was my previous home room teacher, and i told her that my home room teacher left already and i told her my home room's teacher name too. Sigh.

Then she told me to fill in this form and all, then hunt for any counsellor teachers to get my documents. While filling it up, out of sudden, some bish poked me! I was like, "AH!" and she's like, "HELLO!" Guess who's that? Its that babi, Jasmine Kok. She said hi to my dad and all, and left to her respected spot to clean up.

Then i went hunting for the counsellor teachers.

I found Puan Inah, and she told me to find Puan Lai. Gr. Thank god that they're like...a few steps away from each other. If Puan Lai's in another side of the school, and Puan Inah is like at one corner of the school, i mean like, i don't know where they are, heck, i'll be dead alive.

Then, again, i've to fill a form up again. Then Puan Lai went and took those documents and all.

Gr. I took like...almost 2 hours to complete everything.

When school ended for them, we (the 7's except Joyce, me, and Jasmine Lee) went to A&W for lunch. We ordered things and bill came up to like RM70+ for the 8 of us. We talked and ate. Until we were like...dead full.

I still don't know why is there like, so many curly fries! Dang.

After lunch, we went to Parkson, to follow Kumi to finish her vouchers. We walked and walked, and found things!


At about 2.30pm, i sent Jasmine Lee and Jane back to school as they have sports practice.

So sedih.

That Jasmine lah, got tuition. Joyce was supposed to come at 2, but we adviced her not to as i might leave early. Sigh. Or else we'll have more fun things to talk about. Curse her choir.

Joyce Lau, hopefully we'll get to meet up. I'm missing you guys much now.

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Sometimes when i am bored, i do wonder. I wondered how is he now, and whether does he really misses me. I can't speak to him, nor contact by any ways. Why must he go abroad? It hurts me deep inside.

If there's a chance, i would want him to come back. I feel super duper lonely, without him. I miss those times when he accompanied me, whenever i am sad, or happy. Now, i have no one to accompany me.

What a life.

Maybe i have to get used to this life.

Hopefully i'll get over him as soon as possible, so, i won't feel this sad.

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PICTURES:

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Jane got me a birthday bear as a gift before i leave again!
I got this for Jasmine, and me. I got a darker pink for Jane as she like any tone of pink. Normally Jasmine and i get the same thing as it symbolize our sisterly love. =] I know it sounds homo.
D&G bag. Quote Weeru, "OH DOLL SEE GAR BAR NAAA!" Quote Jasmine, "imitation is scary."
Seriously ey. They were hugging me so tight. After this picture, Jasmine hugged me again and said, "i miss hugging you! You're so nice to hug!" *sweat* Jasmine, Jasmine.
While eating.
Geraldine, and KUMI!
They were taking a picture. & me, the pandai one, took this when they were posing.
This picture is hilarious!
Jasmine and i.
According to the rest, especially Jasmine, Katherine and Geraldine were lame. I say so too. They were using 2 sticks of french fries to create a cross. & they were taking a picture of it too!
Cool eh?
Jasmine and i. Thanks to the two people who kacau-ed Kumuta who was trying to take a picture. When the disturbance were over, Jasmine and i laughed, and this is the prouduct it.
This is the proper one, after Kumuta scolded them.
Me, Jane in the between, and Jasmine Lee. Jane was complaining about seeing her face ONLY in this picture.


other random ones that i've yet to post:

Moral of the picture: never play volleyball too much. By the way, it's Li Li's hand.
New year.
My grandma. What i am trying to emphasize about this picture is the effects. I swear i didn't do anything. The background, i meant.
I like the scene. Maybe i am over obsessed with skies now.
This is some random kid that Li Ling and i saw at the Gardens when we were out together a few weeks back. He was so adorable you know!


I guess thats all about pictures. =]

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Rant:

People tend to judge me by reading my blog then, they'll spread things like i am not a nice person, and people will start to dislike me. Its your choice, seriously. You can say i am a type of girl that no one likes just because of my mouth. Its my blog. You have a friend to let your feelings out from your heart. I don't have one. I believe that 99% of you got a clique to share your feelings EVERY SINGLE DAY. I think its better for you to think about others. Don't think that everyone has a clique. I don't, really. My blog's my victim ever since i got a blog when i was in Form 1. Is that something wrong, or whatever, for me to let go my feelings here? I say what i want to say, i speak what i feel, thought and everything else in this blog. Its like my diary - online. One of my friend, understands me. She said i am straight forward. Yeah, i am straight forward. Is that a problem? Some people don't mind because it is in my nature. If you're like the miss-goody-two-shoes, its you. Its not like i can change you, or make you like me. We have our own characteristics. So what if i dislike Miss Teng - my Biology teacher for what she did? Hey, my anger are like for short term only. Its you, who don't understand. Go ahead and dislike me more, if it's better off for you. Some people, judges me by my look. Or the way i talk to them. Ah. I don't know how to start a conversation with someone new. If i talk to you like the way i speak to my friends-whom-i-know-for-ages, you wouldn't like it so soon as we just know each other. I am not like some other people (maybe there is not any) who just shows a good side in front of someone, and another at the back, which is like a miss-goody-two-shoes. If its you, sorry lah, i can do nothing about it. I still talk to you. I talk to everyone, even if i like or don't like them. It makes no difference. Yeah, i do get angry, and have a temper. Thats only for a short term. My short term is like less than 10 minutes. 10 minutes is too long. It should be lesser. I do count how long i get angry. Its up to you. Sometimes, i really don't know what to do. When i talk too much, you'll say i am TOO talkative and you'll dislike me. When i don't talk much, you'll say i am TOO quiet and i'm boring, and you'll start to dislike me again. When i don't crap like i do, you'll say i am so boring, and always being serious. When i crap, you'll say i crap too much. Sometimes, i feel like 'i better die off, so i won't feel lonely, and sad'. When i am sad, i have no one to talk to. Who do i have now? My blog. Although my blog is not a 'who', i still say its 'someone'. And that is how my blog became the victim for how i feel everytime. Some people accepts me for who i am, like the 7's. I swear they used to dislike me. Right, the 7's? If you don't believe, you ask them. Now, the 7's are like my best friends. If i am back in Seremban, at least i can bomb them with how i feel everyday. Because we share our feelings and stories every single day. And by that, i feel better than now. WAY BETTER ACTUALLY. But i have no choice because i am stuck in Wesley Methodist School for the rest of my 2 years. My dad paid the whole 2 years fees already. So, whats that called as? Dead, right? People thinks i am over reacting because i dislike redoing my work. Yeah, no one does like redoing work. Its abnormal for me to redo it for an exercise because i've never done it before. Even if i skipped a line, i'll do that particular line as a correction. I only dont mind redoing for PEKA/whatever coursework. I don't mind redoing PEKA for more than 10 times because it costs my life. BUT IF ITS AN EXERCISE, WTF OK. Its not normal for me. You've been there for 3 years, and i have only been in Wesley Methodist School for like, a month. Like what Corliss said, no one understands our feelings, as a Form 4 newbie. You all might think its the same how i went through during Form 1. Heck no. It is not. I've went through it during Form 1, as everyone got broke off when the new school reshuffled us. I had none of my previous classmates in that class. I was super lonely. But i didn't really are much as most of them are my previous schoolmates. There's new students, we talked, and became friends. I am a new student. Who can understand a newbie's feelings? NO ONE FROM SCHOOL. People might say, "new student is always like that, so just try to mix around." You tell me how to mix around, when everyone got a clique already? It's like so weird to be with the clique during breaks and all. Of course i'll feel like i am disturbing them, as i am new. They've been together since Form 1. Me? STILL A NEW KID NO MATTER WHAT. Most of the old students from Wesley doesn't care about saying hi to us, or whatever. The only people who asked for my name and so and so are like...less than 10! Maybe that's normal for every Form 4 newbies, even in a government school. To be honest, i miss those feelings of knowing every single student from Year 1 - Year 6. And, knowing everyone from Year 7 to Year 11. This is normal for every new student. I know. It takes time for me to familiarize with everything new. I am already ok with the school. Let me rate. Its about 6/10. More than half. I am already feeling ok with everything - the rooms, classes, food, people. I was feeling uber weird for the first 2 weeks, slowly, i am feeling better as i have friends like Corliss, Carl Mann, Amanda, Li Ling, Jia Huei, Li Li, Josephine, Teng Yi, and a few others. Corliss is like the closest to me among them. I mean, i trust Corliss more than the others. This is also another normal thing for a new student to feel. Sometimes, the old timers really can't understand how we newbies feel. Hmm. Maybe they will. I believe they will. Hmm if there's people dislike me for my rants, i am really commentless. Gosh, sometimes its really a priviledge for me to express my profound feelings here. Thank god i got a blog.

- Hmm. He's like taking 6 subjects only. I wonder why. Why are we taking so many subjects! >=( I think i am taking like...12-13 subjects.

Labels: Depression, Friends, Rants, Unforgettable